Minyao Laogong Yuzhen
Keng n Zhen pHotO buCkeT
Yuzhen
Cun & Wei
Zhen Xing
Meiyi
Weizhen
Haiz.... Why am i always failing in whatever i do in life ?... whatever i've done is wrong ... whatever i do is not the way i thought it was... everything just seems to be oppposing me... !!! How i wish i could just die tomolo when i was in my bed and be able to run away from all those sorrows that i had to bear with... that would be a very nice way out for me... I dunno what have i ever done wrong in my whole life that cause me that ... i had always been kind to everyone... even when i scold people... it was either i'm joking or i just wanted good for you and nothing else... and yet people still find me a shit man ... yeah... shit man!.... I can never be good in anyones eye... i am always either a person that carries 'arragonace' or just someone who is cheap and useless. I just can't find anything that i've done so far that i'm satisfied and had the outcome that i wanted... NO....! not at all... my life has been sucky and i've mentioned it upteen times...
I'm in a very bad, lousy mood now... so i dun care whether i've offended anyone in this post... i dun care... I used to be a bad person in secondary school, because my results are poor... and i just dun have a good phyiscal outlook to make me look good in class... So i just dun care about the others... whether you have or not a good result... or you understand this topic or not... i just dun care... The 'O'Levels exam buck me up, i suddenly felt that i couldn't live my life likes this anymore.... I cannot let the others look down on me... i already dun have a convincing outlook... i cannot be academically crippled also... i had to prove the others wrong.!!! I HAD TO!!!!!!!!!! So... i manage to get a quite ok result or aggregate in the end... mostly thanks to my wonderful tutor... grateful to her... I thought it was a complete turn around for my life... i am no longer academic handicap... i am able to study.... During the 6 months holiday... i worked the hell out of me... and only managed to get a new handphone which is the one i'm carrying now... then i was so tired out by the job i had and i suddenly i felt that it has been a long time since i study liao ... so i had this interest in studying when the poly opens... I really pia so hard that i didn't quite join all those activities that my groups of friends had... i had this message keep running in my head that tells me to study and prove to the others that i am capable... i am good.. i am being respected... So... after the term test.. my results proves it all... but i guess people doesn't felt it that way... people just feel that i am just an ordinary guy that is able to study... not outstanding enough...
Well, the worst has yet to come. Those quite realistic people just willing to receive efforts from people and not willing to give ... i dunno the right way to phrase that ... but... who carEs!~ After the term test, there is a project that is needed to be done... so ... i just wanted to among the first.. so i chiong the project all the way... because at that time... i was still quite fresh about programming... so lots of logic wasn't there... so the kind sankara just give away all the required methods to complete the assignment... Then gratefully, i finished the assignment very early... and i was quite excited ( partly because i thought i will be able to show-off abit ) and i told the friends about it and all was like..." WAh... so fast... eh ... i dunno leh... can teach me anot? " ..." After school you free ? ... can stay back awhile? ... can teach me '*a*a' ? " As usual, i didn't hesitate to have agreed... so i was very or i would say damn kind to help people whom i wasn't quite farmilar with at that time. The whole group of people stay back and do the assignment, some where very keen for my help... some was very stubborn... refused to accept my help but in the end still does...
I can still remember clearly... This lab... only us... then everyone was on 1 computer... i walk around and help people who called me... after i was called... i sat down... and looked at the codes that was having errors... like i've mentioned just now...i was new to programming... so i had to look longer to figure what's going wrong... Then ... i was so kind that even now i am starting to say that i'm stupid... after i got the solutions for the answer... i would ask... " do you want me to tell you the answer striaght away or you want to understand the logic behind this method and do it yourself?" Then most people would somehow choose the 2nd choice. So i took all the patients i had and slowly tell them and explain to them... Well.. but... I admit that i abit too harsh that time... cause i wasn't that matured yet.... couldn't control... so for that... i am sorry...! However... ,another 180 degrees turn, i was taking examples that will be very easy to undertand and perhaps the people would be able to laugh at least... so i think that would help them somehow to be able to remember what i've said better.... so kind of me when i think back now...
Like what i have said just now... some doens't want my help... but i still offer my help as far as possible ... i help to the limit that they can accept... I dunwan to help them fully .. cause i dunwan them to blame me for telling them too much of the answers and cause that not to had this experience of doing the thing and eventually failed... underStand ? So this kind of staying back thingy took place for about quite a few days... Maybe i should refresh you folks memory... i had already finished mine. So up to this stage... i already had done as far as what i am able and should do as a responsible, caring, good, kind and steady friend liao... i dunno what i haven done as a friend for them liao ... If there is... pls tell me!...
Then i was sooooo in dispair when i was in sem 2 year 1... all the friends suddenly kind of bo chap me liao ... its either they found someone who they can rely on liao or they had their foundation built by me for that subject and can fly with the hard grown wings... and just kick me aside... i'm not trying to say that they are ungrateful of my contirbutions or what althought they somehow did... its just that... they are able to just forget about this person called "Yao" that had actually done something for them with all the efforts when they were first in the
tertiary education ... i thought i would be a person that has deep impression in their mind and whatever they are going to have they would at least think of me... well... i have an answer for myslef... that is: FAT HOPE! ... ya... that's the answer i get from them... i was being treated like someone who is not able to be social with them... but just an aswering machine... " CALL and there FOR YOU" is a slogan for machine like that i would say... They could just leave me alone there and dun give a damn about me... then ... i dun like it when i actually have got to ask people to care about my well-being and not getting some care automatically... i myself is not someone who is like that... my tutor above... help me get thru 'O's smoothly... i am really grateful to her... i had always respect her. I still kept in contact with her now even though i dun need her tutoring anymore... i want to let her know that i'm grateful to her and i will do as much as i can if she needed my help... that's the way i am looking for when you are to treat someone who has put in effort for you when you most needed it... Unfortunatly... that's not the case... hiAz....
Then after much much thoughts... i think i am giving up liao .... so i tried the other way... i am thinking... since people do not take the initiative to talk to you... then i shall be the one to take the first step, I tried all kinds of way to make interact when them... but... in the end its another sad ending... i've failed...
::MAIN POINT!::
Here's what i've done... i write a long passage about them i think its extraordinary long i supposed then i was hoping that i might get a reply or something... because... i saw the other person that has wrote something too and that person more forunate than i am got a reply within less that half a month... Well... for me... its almost...4 months... and i think you folks reading this got it already... its another sad one... no..... I dunno why am i so foolish to acutally give all my efforts in the begining and then to be suffering now...such a fool huh... ya... i am... I dunno what's so annoying about me also, so much that people just dun had me in their mind... hiaZ... I'm such a failure... So there... learn a lesson... next time... help people... dun expect to get anything back ... to avoid being hurt again ... and again... i will still help people when they are in need... but i won't had so much imagination that i would get something back liao... i wanted to help people is that i dunwan to see people that are suffering and they are just being sacrificed for me grudges for not having any pay back...
Back to my story... i can do things for them and they just could turn their back on me for something that i myself wouldn't considered seruios at all well the thing i mentioned there is the thing that is in my long post. I am quite scare of making friends liao ... cause its all about the backstabing... i got backstab for many many times liao ... countless... the wound is getting deeping... and it certianly hurt alot...
I hate this kind of thing lor... i had to actually ask something from people when they are not even willing to do that... get what i mean ?...For example: to ask people to console you when obvious you are sad and you need some ? ... Its not from the heart... i dunwan...
I think i just have to admit it bah... my life sucks... "Wu Jiu Shi Zhe Yang Bu Tao Ran Xin Huan" what more can i ask for whatever i've done is like nothing... i really hate my life man... Really feel a pity for not able to be close friends with those i've really put in effort to help... anyway... saying is saying bah... CiaoZ..
"If i die, would anyone shed a tear for me??"
Yao~
Haiz.... Why am i always failing in whatever i do in life ?... whatever i've done is wrong ... whatever i do is not the way i thought it was... everything just seems to be oppposing me... !!! How i wish i could just die tomolo when i was in my bed and be able to run away from all those sorrows that i had to bear with... that would be a very nice way out for me... I dunno what have i ever done wrong in my whole life that cause me that ... i had always been kind to everyone... even when i scold people... it was either i'm joking or i just wanted good for you and nothing else... and yet people still find me a shit man ... yeah... shit man!.... I can never be good in anyones eye... i am always either a person that carries 'arragonace' or just someone who is cheap and useless. I just can't find anything that i've done so far that i'm satisfied and had the outcome that i wanted... NO....! not at all... my life has been sucky and i've mentioned it upteen times...
I'm in a very bad, lousy mood now... so i dun care whether i've offended anyone in this post... i dun care... I used to be a bad person in secondary school, because my results are poor... and i just dun have a good phyiscal outlook to make me look good in class... So i just dun care about the others... whether you have or not a good result... or you understand this topic or not... i just dun care... The 'O'Levels exam buck me up, i suddenly felt that i couldn't live my life likes this anymore.... I cannot let the others look down on me... i already dun have a convincing outlook... i cannot be academically crippled also... i had to prove the others wrong.!!! I HAD TO!!!!!!!!!! So... i manage to get a quite ok result or aggregate in the end... mostly thanks to my wonderful tutor... grateful to her... I thought it was a complete turn around for my life... i am no longer academic handicap... i am able to study.... During the 6 months holiday... i worked the hell out of me... and only managed to get a new handphone which is the one i'm carrying now... then i was so tired out by the job i had and i suddenly i felt that it has been a long time since i study liao ... so i had this interest in studying when the poly opens... I really pia so hard that i didn't quite join all those activities that my groups of friends had... i had this message keep running in my head that tells me to study and prove to the others that i am capable... i am good.. i am being respected... So... after the term test.. my results proves it all... but i guess people doesn't felt it that way... people just feel that i am just an ordinary guy that is able to study... not outstanding enough...
Well, the worst has yet to come. Those quite realistic people just willing to receive efforts from people and not willing to give ... i dunno the right way to phrase that ... but... who carEs!~ After the term test, there is a project that is needed to be done... so ... i just wanted to among the first.. so i chiong the project all the way... because at that time... i was still quite fresh about programming... so lots of logic wasn't there... so the kind sankara just give away all the required methods to complete the assignment... Then gratefully, i finished the assignment very early... and i was quite excited ( partly because i thought i will be able to show-off abit ) and i told the friends about it and all was like..." WAh... so fast... eh ... i dunno leh... can teach me anot? " ..." After school you free ? ... can stay back awhile? ... can teach me '*a*a' ? " As usual, i didn't hesitate to have agreed... so i was very or i would say damn kind to help people whom i wasn't quite farmilar with at that time. The whole group of people stay back and do the assignment, some where very keen for my help... some was very stubborn... refused to accept my help but in the end still does...
I can still remember clearly... This lab... only us... then everyone was on 1 computer... i walk around and help people who called me... after i was called... i sat down... and looked at the codes that was having errors... like i've mentioned just now...i was new to programming... so i had to look longer to figure what's going wrong... Then ... i was so kind that even now i am starting to say that i'm stupid... after i got the solutions for the answer... i would ask... " do you want me to tell you the answer striaght away or you want to understand the logic behind this method and do it yourself?" Then most people would somehow choose the 2nd choice. So i took all the patients i had and slowly tell them and explain to them... Well.. but... I admit that i abit too harsh that time... cause i wasn't that matured yet.... couldn't control... so for that... i am sorry...! However... ,another 180 degrees turn, i was taking examples that will be very easy to undertand and perhaps the people would be able to laugh at least... so i think that would help them somehow to be able to remember what i've said better.... so kind of me when i think back now...
Like what i have said just now... some doens't want my help... but i still offer my help as far as possible ... i help to the limit that they can accept... I dunwan to help them fully .. cause i dunwan them to blame me for telling them too much of the answers and cause that not to had this experience of doing the thing and eventually failed... underStand ? So this kind of staying back thingy took place for about quite a few days... Maybe i should refresh you folks memory... i had already finished mine. So up to this stage... i already had done as far as what i am able and should do as a responsible, caring, good, kind and steady friend liao... i dunno what i haven done as a friend for them liao ... If there is... pls tell me!...
Then i was sooooo in dispair when i was in sem 2 year 1... all the friends suddenly kind of bo chap me liao ... its either they found someone who they can rely on liao or they had their foundation built by me for that subject and can fly with the hard grown wings... and just kick me aside... i'm not trying to say that they are ungrateful of my contirbutions or what althought they somehow did... its just that... they are able to just forget about this person called "Yao" that had actually done something for them with all the efforts when they were first in the
tertiary education ... i thought i would be a person that has deep impression in their mind and whatever they are going to have they would at least think of me... well... i have an answer for myslef... that is: FAT HOPE! ... ya... that's the answer i get from them... i was being treated like someone who is not able to be social with them... but just an aswering machine... " CALL and there FOR YOU" is a slogan for machine like that i would say... They could just leave me alone there and dun give a damn about me... then ... i dun like it when i actually have got to ask people to care about my well-being and not getting some care automatically... i myself is not someone who is like that... my tutor above... help me get thru 'O's smoothly... i am really grateful to her... i had always respect her. I still kept in contact with her now even though i dun need her tutoring anymore... i want to let her know that i'm grateful to her and i will do as much as i can if she needed my help... that's the way i am looking for when you are to treat someone who has put in effort for you when you most needed it... Unfortunatly... that's not the case... hiAz....
Then after much much thoughts... i think i am giving up liao .... so i tried the other way... i am thinking... since people do not take the initiative to talk to you... then i shall be the one to take the first step, I tried all kinds of way to make interact when them... but... in the end its another sad ending... i've failed...
::MAIN POINT!::
Here's what i've done... i write a long passage about them i think its extraordinary long i supposed then i was hoping that i might get a reply or something... because... i saw the other person that has wrote something too and that person more forunate than i am got a reply within less that half a month... Well... for me... its almost...4 months... and i think you folks reading this got it already... its another sad one... no..... I dunno why am i so foolish to acutally give all my efforts in the begining and then to be suffering now...such a fool huh... ya... i am... I dunno what's so annoying about me also, so much that people just dun had me in their mind... hiaZ... I'm such a failure... So there... learn a lesson... next time... help people... dun expect to get anything back ... to avoid being hurt again ... and again... i will still help people when they are in need... but i won't had so much imagination that i would get something back liao... i wanted to help people is that i dunwan to see people that are suffering and they are just being sacrificed for me grudges for not having any pay back...
Back to my story... i can do things for them and they just could turn their back on me for something that i myself wouldn't considered seruios at all well the thing i mentioned there is the thing that is in my long post. I am quite scare of making friends liao ... cause its all about the backstabing... i got backstab for many many times liao ... countless... the wound is getting deeping... and it certianly hurt alot...
I hate this kind of thing lor... i had to actually ask something from people when they are not even willing to do that... get what i mean ?...For example: to ask people to console you when obvious you are sad and you need some ? ... Its not from the heart... i dunwan...
I think i just have to admit it bah... my life sucks... "Wu Jiu Shi Zhe Yang Bu Tao Ran Xin Huan" what more can i ask for whatever i've done is like nothing... i really hate my life man... Really feel a pity for not able to be close friends with those i've really put in effort to help... anyway... saying is saying bah... CiaoZ..
"If i die, would anyone shed a tear for me??"
Yao~