DoJoN Blog

2010-05-17T11:09:00.003+08:00

Manchester United vs Stoke (BPL) - 9 May 2010

It is down to the wire for the title this season and the odds are against United who are a point behind the leaders Chelsea. Personally wasn't expecting any miracle as I doubt Wigan could be a force to deny them. Just as thought, they were 1 up just 6 minutes.

United played well through out the match, there were some scared during the first half as Stoke had some good chances to be ahead. Fletcher got a scrapping chance and put United to the lead, but I wasn't excited as I knew the title is beyond our reach already. 2nd half was quite predicable as United went on to dominate in every inch of the pitch. That's all for me.

People were saying they United actually played above expectation having to lose Tevez and C.Ron and still managed to finished a point short of the title. I dun feel that way though as I felt Rooney was able to fill in the gap that C.Ron in particular left. When there are 2 stars in the team only 1 can shine. Live example is now at Real Madrid where C.Ron shone and Kaka didn't. Same applies to the last season's team and Rooney was overlooked for the awards that he ought to be receiving too in my opinion. I feel that the decider for the title was the match winner against United which saw the Ref allowing the offside goal to stand and caused United the 3 points. Well some part of us to blame was the slipped against Blackburn also. Well in whatever case, Congrats to Chelsea for doing the double for the 1st time in the history.

I hope SAF really look hard into the problems in the current team and step into the market and solve them. Obvious problem would be the striker issue. I will talk more about the expected changes for a fan's point of view in the next post.

Manchester United 4 - 0 Stoke

2010-04-27T10:23:00.005+08:00

Manchester City vs Manchester United - 17 April 2010

Manchester United vs Spurs - 24 April 2010

Sunderland vs Manchester United - 2 May 2010

Apologies for not posting for these 3 matches as I was preparing for my exams. So I thought I might as well combine all the 3 together.

1st match from top-

This match was build on top of the natural rivalry of the derby. This is a must win match for United so as to heap more pressure to the league leader. Both team had something to play for and are desperate for a win. City need to close the gap on Spurs for the 4th spot.

The match was thought to be excited and during the 1st half it seems to be as both team were attacking well. In the 2nd half, United was stronger but City just went out to defend which I couldn't understand why. Reaching the final minute in the added time, Paul Scholes came with a header and erupted all the cheers from the visiting crowd as United clinched the important 3 points. Good news was that Chelsea lost to Spurs in the later match. United were 1 point behind them.

2nd match -

United need to win the giant killer Spurs as they had defeated Arsenal and Chelsea consecutively and the odds are with Spurs to do it for the 3rd time. But they were wrong! The starting line up was surprising, without Rooney and Rio. (o.0). United play really well as a time and players like bebartov who was expected to step up didn't but Nani who wasn't been stressed did. Giggs converted a penalty but Spurs leveled just a while later. The game was bored later and Nani score a chip from a less than normal build up which excites the home crowd wild. United then earn the 2nd penalty and Giggs did it again. He claims that this was the only 2 penalty which he scored in a league game. woo ?

3rd match -

Sunderland was never gonna give United a easy run at the Stadium of Light as they had only lose to Chelsea and Arsenal all season. Chelsea had won against Pool with a gift from Stevie.G which Drogba gladly converted.So this is a must win for United. The whole game was quite competitive and somewhat boring I guess for the fact that Chelsea are now even closer to their 3rd title. Nani again scored a beautiful goal cutting the ball with a volley to curl it around the keeper. Bebartov then missed a series of 4 tap in chances.

Last match against Stoke. Chelsea against Wigan.

Hope that Chelsea slipped up and United could make history. =)

Manchester City 0 - 1 Manchester United

Manchester United 3 - 1 Spurs

Sunderland 0 - 1 Manchester United

2010-04-14T10:01:00.002+08:00

Blackburn vs Manchester United (BPL) - 11 Apr 10

This was the must win match for United to overtake Chelsea to lead the league but they blew it. The match was a exciting one. Rooney wasn't in the line up as he had slightly worsen his injured ankle during the CL match back on Thursday. Surprisingly, SAF played a 4-4-2 formation with Babartov and Macheda up front, Giggs and Scholes in the center midfield. I am ok with the strikers but to have Giggs and Scholes together in center doesn't seems right for me. Giggs is not competent enough to play the supporting and distribution role while Scholes as holding midfield. Moreover, who else is he supporting when there are 2 strikers and no Rooney around ?

As the match goes, United dominate 90% of the first half and Valencia had a one on one chance with Robinson but his effort was blocked away by his flying leg. Comes the 2nd half, Blackburn pushed United a bit to tell United that they themselves are capable to get the win here. So the ball when through and flow on the pitch and then comes the full time whistle.

To sum up, a boring match. I think Big Sam had successfully integrate his style of play from Bolton to Blackburn. Recall that during his time a Bolton, they were the team that had lesser goals scored and lots of 0 - 0 draw against the strong teams. Good job Sam.

Well, at the point of writing this there was a piece of good news for United as SAF is now running out of patience with Babartov and considering selling him but for 25m ? Perhaps lower... United signed a unknown striker from Chivas, Mexico, Javier Hernandez. His arrival means that either other prolific strikers will not be coming in or existing ones will have to go. The likes of Mecheda and Welbeck. Look, if SAF bought Benzema, then United will have 5 strikers, that is if Babar is sold, how can they be that happy ? Tevez wasn't happy already when there are only 3 strikers around.

We shall wait and see...

Blackburn 0 - 0 Manchester United

2010-04-08T11:17:00.002+08:00

Manchester United vs Bayern (CL) - 7 April 10

Great match for the start. We did a fabulous start AGAIN by scoring a Cristiano like strike against ROMA few seasons back in the 3rd minute. What's better than the game was to add to the tally with a Joe Cole goal that was scored against United just last week by Nani.

United started the game with the "no, you won't get the ball" mentality and it was a joy to watch. The 2 center midfield, Carrick and Fletcher, was dominant in the park. No Bayern player looked confident and they had no solution for that play. Valencia, Nani and Rafael were particularly outstanding as you can see they are a gear above all the players on the pitch.

1st goal, Rooney (ya, he played... nice tactic by the old fox) fake a one two and set up Gibson for the stunner. Not sure what the goalkeeper is doing do as he reacted only after the ball is in the back of the net.

2nd goal, a pure brilliance from Valencia to take on the left back and Kudos to Nani to keep running and found a good space to score that magnificent back heel goal. United was leading on aggregate but still wary that Bayern could come back with just 1 away goal.

3rd goal, United caught Bayern's defense sleeping and took a quick throw, which saw Valencia ran and ran and ran. He did a quick pass trying to pick up Rooney but it was Nani that does the final execution with some quality. He did that infamous double somersault. (Are you getting your potential driven here?)

After the 3rd goal, Bayern got their i was say freak and sloppy goal that United could have dealt better with. That really kick up the spirit for the Bayern players that they are still in the match. Rafael was booked early in the 18th minute and I feared the inexperience of him could well bring United down, and i was right.

Just 5 minutes into the 2nd half, Rafael tug Ribery's arm and was booked again to earn him a sent off. I shared the same sentiment with SAF that it was the Bayern's players pressuring the Ref to show him the 2nd yellow. In the normal BPL matches, that would earn him a final warning that he will be sent of if any challenge was made. Now United had 40 minutes to endure, what was being changed was John O'shea for Rooney who was limping after what was seen to be re-inured during the first half., so it was a safe decision to make. SAF made Nani the lone striker role which i feel the reason is that he is able to run fastest during counter attacks. Gibson was moved to the left. United was being pressed all the way until Robben made that stunning strike that brought Byern to meet Lyon in the Semi. That's it.

I think SAF had made good decision after the sent off but i feel better things could be done. What i would do is to replace Rooney with O'shea like what was done and play without a striker. Keep Nani on the left and Gibson roaming around. The 3 goals that was scored didn't have Rooney involved at all, so I would not deem a striker is necessary.

Well, remember during the 1st leg i said SAF should have played Carrick as holding midfield, it worked, didn't it ? This time Fletcher plays the central roaming around role and should be executing passes like Scholes and Gibson was given the Park's role to run all around the place to pressure and give support to Rooney. I think this could prove to be the new formation that SAF is considering for the final runs of games to the end of the league campaign.

Finally, I hope Bayern wins the Champions League because Manchester United only loses to the eventual winner at any stage. That's better, isn't it ? Rooney should be ok since he is walking normally.

Manchester United 3 - 2 Bayern - Aggregate(4 - 4) Bayern win on away goal.

2010-04-05T13:35:00.002+08:00

Manchester United vs Chelsea (BPL) - 3 April 10

This match was not so much of an excitement because of the Rooney ankle twist during the previous CL match. However, as a Red Devil fan, I can't control myself but to hope and expect some miracle to happen.

The answer is they did not. Many would have complained that the Drogba goal should not have been counted beside it was a clear offside, but the referee (Mike Dean) redeemed himself by allowing the suspicious handball goal by Macheda to stand. Anyway, Chelsea was the better team and probably deserved to win the game.

Nothing much that i could comment of the way United plays as the really are 2nd to the ball most of the time. They did up the gear after a possibly hair dyer treatment by SAF during the break but they just couldn't salvage anything.

Pundits around the world has been saying chelsea would win the league after the result of the match with 5 games remaining but i doubt so. Anything could happen and even arsenal could be the dark horse to come from behind and snatch the crown. It is just 2 points man, come'on all the pundits. Some might say i am being too optimistic, but rather, I am confident that some weird shit will happen during the 5 games. Chelsea had tough games ahead themselves and i think their players could be jaded as well. I think this is more of a mental toughness endurance to the end and experience is on United side.

Let's see who is the chamopion.

Manchester United 1 - 2 Chelsea

2010-03-31T14:59:00.003+08:00

Bayern vs Manchester United (CL) - 30 Mar 10

Overall, Bayern are the better team, so well deserved win for the least. There was no luck for Utd as they lost 90% of all the 50-50 balls. Chances were there for Rooney to kill the game early but was not taken. Bayern too had their fair share of chances to bring the game to an end during the early half.

There was nothing much Fergie could have done better in terms of the starting 11 he picked. First of all, I had to agree with him that when playing a CL match, you had to dictate the midfield for the least chance to win the game. However, I would then only change 1 player that from Scholes to Valencia with Park playing center. Why ?

Bayern's wings are fast and tricky, so by playing both nani and valencia who are fast enough could have done a better job then park partnering evra in defending the right flank of Bayern's. Also, they might be more effective when countering.

Let's analyse the match itself, Bayern's tactic was straight enough, tight marking and close down all the way. You could see that whenever a United player is on the ball, a triangle of Bayern's player will be formed around. That gives no room for any penetration for United. United was in anxiety and had no solution for that, so they becomes static at their assigned position. You could not see those usual overlapping runs that could deal serious damage. Even playing with the line ups, I would have let scholes be the central man distributing the balls, Carrick holding and fletcher to support Rooney as much as possible. These 3 men could cover each other when out of position. That's the point for having a 3 men midfield.

Bayern was lucky to have the result going their way as the 2 goals are not the sort of goals that you are likely to see in CL matches. Well, I admit Rooney's one was some sort of the same but it still need the death touches from the Roo man.

What's next for SAF and United now ? Rooney sprained his ankle and will be a serious doubt for Saturday's almost a title deciding clash with Chelsea. Hmmm... I personally do not feel that the winner of the game will be as good as winning the league but it just puts you in a better position. There are 5 more games after that and anything could happen. I reckon this season will go down to the last game before the title is decided. Then now for the 2nd leg of the Quarter-Final of CL, if Rooney is not able to play then i think it's over for United wonderful CL campaign for the 3 consecutive seasons.

We'll see what's the condition like before any predictions can be made.

Bayern 2 - 1 Manchester United

2009-08-05T15:53:00.000+08:00

Didn't really felt like blogging but since my wife was asking for a new entry few days ago. I thought i might as well. =)

I do have my fair share of personal problem that's bugging me. I am not really used to discussing them openly but to either my family or my closest buddy on certain occasions. Part of it was due to my character and others were some underlying reasons.

As some (or few) of you guys know that I'm the youngest or the 3rd child in my family, the other 2 above are my brothers. I think the pride of my family will be my 2nd brother as he has achieve things that few could have. =)

I am not in anything against my eldest brother though but until recently he really had pissed me off. I think i'm not gonna go through much of a detail on what took place. He actually had the nerve to be angry with mum because of some statements she made when he is still relying on the family. Isn't that somewhat ridiculous? You can be upset but not ignoring and showing gestures of a cold war towards your own mother? He is a grown up married man and I really didn't expect such immature action from him.

We brothers ain't close together even since I started breathing, so I thought that a sit down chat wasn't gonna happened or might be kinda awkward, hence i wrote an email to him telling him how i felt and analyze the situation with him hopping for a change or at least a response. I hope he did read it and i can see change.

Yao~

2009-07-15T10:00:00.003+08:00

Yo back for more analysis on the recent soccer movements.

First of all, Happay Birthday to 2 of my best bro whose birthday is just a day apart (13/14 July)

Finally, the Carlitos saga has ended but not beautifully for me. A nice transfer for me would be like the C.Ron one with gratitudes thrown to towards one another. However, for Tevez it was like a break free which kind of reminded me the Ruud van Nistelrooy one. SAF can't keep his mouth closed and bid a good farewell and starts a conspiracy that it was Tevez himself who had already decided not to stay as early as January. For me, this was either the truth or a move to let the fans feel that he actually did enough to keep him.

I think all the die-hard fans can see for ourselves in all the last season's matches, Tevez has been treated somewhat unusually by being left on the bench more frequently compared to previous seaons without performing badly. I guess the cause was favouritism shown by SAF on Berbartov like what he always does by selecting Fletcher.

Well, enough of the cause for Tevez to leave, now like what I've said in previous post about moving to Man City, it was a bad bad decision. I'd rather him move to somewhere else. Let's talk about how he can perform with the team if he was playing first and whether he can play more frequently later.

Look at him in his first spell in BPL with West Ham Utd, little people know him and probably didn't had the chance to see him play too. For the matches he played in, he didn't really performed too well, just ok for me. Look at the midfield of West Ham at that time, not really good with the type that can provide him with good passes that create chances. He was the 'Hero' because he just ran and ran and ran and a touch from Lady Luck to make him score the crucial goal that saves West Ham from relegation.

Overrall performance for me is just average.

In the 2 years with Man Utd, no doubt that he performed way better than he was in West Ham. Why ? There was a great midfield with hell lots of great and precise passer that can create fantastic chances for him to complete with his finishing touch. Althought he too had some moments where he created goals all by himself.

Now at Man City, he is in a team some sort like West Ham Utd. Look at the midfield, pathetic. There is no good passer just midfielder which consist of the likes of Michael Johnson, Elano, Barry and Wright-Phillps. All these guys are those type that can either defend well or create chances for themselves. Perhaps this is not the important factor. I think it is the number of strikers that the team has. 9 Strikers in all! Robinho, Bojinov, Caicedo, Banjani, Santa Cruz, Evans, Bellamy and now Tevez. You tell me what are the chances to keep everyone happy ? Lol. Don't forget there is still Adebayor they are chasing.

2 senarios I can think of. One which is to sell Caicedo, Ban, Evans, Bellamy, Banjani and that leaves around 5 Strikers which is still sustainable with 4-3-3 formation. The other one would be that all of them are in the team and noise level of the rested players rise and Mark Hughes couldn't keep the cohesion in the team and he would be replaced by some big names manager. Probably Raneri ?

It's a bad move Carlitos...

Yao~

2009-07-02T09:29:00.002+08:00

Sorry people, it's about football again. It is always so intense after the season ends and begin the transfer market.

Now, Fergie has lost out another player that he could have gotten. Karim Benzema. Well although he isn't the signing that would give 100% assurance to the comming season title challenge, he is a great talent still, one that would probably be a Zidane or Ronaldo in many years to come. I like fergie, for his passion in game, eagar for success and many many things. However, this is one thing that make me hate him the most too. He always delays signings and make the fans wait. Sometimes he didn't let down the expectation but many times he would end up with cheap or no signing.

I think he is still too excited about the capture of A.Valencia. I've already talked about him in the previous post and I shall not do it again here. Now, cool down and try to highjack Benzema while you still can SAF.

Now what can fergie still gets if he really had missed out the 21 year old. Hmmm, there are plenty but not as physically ideal as Benzema.
Sergio Aguero (£40m), Gusseppie Rossi (£15m) and Diego Forlan(£20m+) .
Yes, 2 of them were United players but has proven their first-team ability in the 2nd world's most exiciting league.

Aguero is a similar type of player as Tevez, so if he was to come there shouldn't be a problem fitting him into the team. In fact i think he is the most suitable candidate to come if not Benzema.

Rossi is very skillful, you can check out his video on youtube, proven much of his ability in villareal. He is still developing and had a clause in the contract to allow United to buy back for
£15m which would be a good catch.

Forlan he was the joint top scorer in La Liga in his debut season and went onto be a regular scorer after he moved to Althetico to fill Torres boots. How about that ! However, he isn't getting any younger which is a holdback for his transfer.

There is only 3 prolific strikers that I think fits the bill because of United's age policy that's why players like Eto'o, Villa and Ibrahimavic isn't in my list. There are alot more strikers that are being linked but i haven seen their ablilty so i'm not gonna judge them.

Now for Real Madrid
----
They are now the team that many would make in the game like Winning Elven. The following are the stars they have:

Sergio Ramos, Casillas, Henzie, Guit, Diarra, Robben, Sneijder, Hunteelar, Saviola, Ruud, Raul, Kaka, Ronaldo and propective Benzema.

Just look at the number of strikers they have. I am wondering how the players going there still get a chance to play. Isn't playing regularly the expectation for all players ? Why still go there ? fill the Extras role ? Well, there could be an ultimate reason that is for the money. If that's the case I have nothing to say...

Some of you reading may say that nobody is going to Old Trafford that's why i said this... well, perhaps.

Yao~

2009-06-23T10:39:00.002+08:00

Adeious Carlitos, I understand your frustrations in United that's why you chose to leave. However, if you chose city, I reckoned you won't be getting much more of actions compared to United. City had just completed the transfer of Roque Santa Cruz from Blackburn, so now there are 5 strikers in the team before you. Robinho, Benjani, Elano, Jo & a i dunno what name.

I think Carlitos should consider Spain or perhaps Chelsea. First of all, they have Champions League entry and they might give you a more important role to play. Anyway, since your family loved England and are settled, why not give fergie another chance to prove his regonition of you ? =X

Just like what I've predicted in my previous post, Fergie is going ahead with his signing of
A.Valencia and a unknown brazillian guy, 18-years old, for £20m. Can't really judge the decisions now, we shall wait and see. There was somewhat a speculation that could prove me wrong which i would love to. United are linked with Benzema for £30-odd million. Like what i've always say, Between Benzema and Tevez, I would prefer Tevez as he had already proven his worth in the league and Benzema only in French League. Nevertheless, he would be the only replacemen target suitable for Tevez when he decided not to stay. Hope Ben will sign and play well.

Farewell Carlitos Tevez (2007 -2009 Man United)

2009-06-12T08:45:00.005+08:00

Manchester United has accepted a £80 Million bid from Real Madrid

Well, this is probably not surprising for many United fans even for the neutrals. I had a rather different reaction knowing the news. Kinda surprise still as I remembered he said Real dream is dead when Real got humiliated by Barca. Then I calm down and think properly, and I came to a concludsion as to why he chose to leave. Since United can't beat Barca in the Champions League Finals (Rome), so he may be thinking "Oh, so Real lost to a team that is so strong then I myself couldn't beat that means Real's lost was nothing!" lol

Anyway, let me analyse the aftermath of the transfer. So fellow Football Manager players, what would you do when you got £80 Million ? Buy all the top top stars ? spam all your money around ? That's what the normal person would do but SAF isn't normal. He is Knighted =P . Haha. What I presume he will do is to buy players whom are good but unknown yet or some proven players we didn't thought he would buy. Why ? According to his records in United this 2 decade, he did similar things throughout.

I will name some:

1) Mark Hughes - He was performing very well but was sold to chelsea.

2) Jaap Stam - He was replaced by Laurent Blanc... who ?

3) Famous Beckham - He bought C.Ron to replace then, and do you know him before that?

4) Van Nisterlrooy - He was a goal machine and bought Tevez when everyone wants Villa or Benzema

---

My guess of the player that SAF wanted to replace C.Ron is probably A.Valencia from Wigan. Man, I've got to disagree with SAF. He may have the ability to play like a star, he isn't the type of player that can win games single-handedly like C.Ron. The past glories United had during the last 3 seasons had so many games that would have lost if not for C.Ron's individual spetacular. If your memory isn't good then let me refer to the season that had just ended:

The Champions League - Quater Finals (vs Porto) who scored the only goal ? (C.Ron) if not for his 40 yarder, where is the Final against Barca ?

Is SAF counting on Valencia on doing this for him ? I dun think so... but I hope its not Tosic or Nani either. Most importantly, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CONVERTING ROONEY INTO A WINGER TO REPLACE HIM !

I would prefer him to get players like Sneijder, Silva and Joaquin. I know it's difficult. =)

Let's just say United will not be wining as much as last few seasons, I reckon it will take a season or 2 for the team to get balanced again. Hmmm... that means a chance for Ancelotti to triumph, damn. SAF just did a Arsene Wenger when he sold Viera and Henry in my opinion.

Lastly, for the money, I urge fergie to use 1/4 of it to SIGN Tevez and then start your 3rd round of revolution as you wished. That's the least you could do for United Fans.

2009-06-08T15:18:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the delay of this post. As most of you guys know, I'm now a married man. Haha. Well I'm gonna say the same thing like most of the couples would, that is, you spent 2 to 3 months preparing for the day and the day is finished in a flash. Haha. My wife was complaining that the day felt so short and would like to have another one. haha. Taboos man... why have a 2nd one ? ... =P once in a lifetime is enough if you know what i meant. Thanks for all the congratulations!! ; )

The day runs quite smoothly without much of a cock up despite the fact that some of the invited guests were late. Speaking about guests, I would like to apologise for all the others in the poly gang that I couldn't fit all of you guys into my ROM as there are limited headcount for the lunch that was after the ceremony.=)

The lunch was a pleasant one, no awkwardness among all the families and friends whom just met one another for the very first time. There were laughters throughout. I think I will not go through all the details about the cremony as it will be a very long one. Anyway if you guys are interest to know a little bit more than what i've written here, go to FB and look for the photo albums under Weizhen & Yuzhen. lol (I think most of you guys already did). There is also a video of the solemnization too.

I wonder when will i be attending one of the buddies ROM ? anytime soon ? ... =P

Husband: TMY
Wife: HZY

~ Married man to a Lovely wife ~

2009-06-04T11:48:00.003+08:00

Tomolo is my big day !! Quite nervous though... haha like having exam. Scared that i forget this and that. Hope nothing cock up tomolo. The attention is all on me and hope i could do a good job. :D

Different responsibilty to bear liao. I am a woman's husband >.< . I would say that i am prepared for the new stage of my life, that's why i'd made this decision =).

People say that's gonna mark the end of your own freedom, while i beg to differ. I feel if the time management is right and proper communication is done then things are goning to turn out just fine. It's often the lack of proper (note the word 'proper') communication between couples that led to disputes and arguments. Not forgetting that a certain extend of bi-directional compromisation is essential as well. I dun dare to say that i am an expert in the 'love love' field, but i would be able to give you a word or two on relationship issues if you'd asked me.

I would update more after tomolo ... haha... So exciting ... !!!

I Love You Laopo !

050609 - Peony Jade, Clarke Quay

2009-06-01T11:07:00.002+08:00

There are many things in the reality that cannot be explained. I really dun understand why commitment is such a difficult thing to uphold ? I'd always feared that our gang's usual saturday soccer @ tp session would come to an end when we graduated during our poly days. Well, it doesn't really came to a halt immediately but gradually when some of us were enlisted.

I tried voicing out for the session in the early days of the 2 year National Service period and came to no avail with obvious reasons like, sleep later, no time, at home better... Alright then, i understand.

Fortunately, on the verge of ORD-ing, some in the gang initiated a reunion soccer session as part of the gathering session. Thereafter, we had regular session every saturday without fail. Everyone was spontaneuos and made an effort to turn up and provide reasons if one couldn't. I was very happy that we could get together like in the past.

Then came the exam periods of all our respective education insitute overlapping which stretches a long period of 2 to 4 weeks. Without any choice at hand, we could only stop the sessions and hope.... Currently, the situation doesn't look good as fewer turns up and the morale for those who did is getting lower. I couldn't join the last 2 session because as most of you know that i got injured by some ba*tar* and torn my ligament. Up till today the swelling is still there, doctor says it will go away in a few weeks time.

Lastly, I urge all our gang people to pls commit and turn up for the soccer session, long lasting friendship doesn't comes everyday, maybe not in one's lifetime... =)

Hello People I'm Back

2009-05-28T14:22:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone, if there is any =P Sorry for the extra long delay for this revamping to finally get done and dusted. Lots of unpredicable things happened and suddenly laziness brought on it.

Well, I shan't continue to give excuses and get this opening post underway. I decided to use this blog for anything that i wanted to speak my mind for, unlike the past one where I only tell the sad things that's happening.

I've already shown my graciousness about yesterday's match winner in FB already. I would actually give my 2 cents worth about why Man Utd lost.
First of all, let's me talk about the starting line up. It is the same formation and players that beat Arsenal in the 2nd leg semi-finals. Well, it proved somewhat effective against the inexperience side of Wenger but it is in no way efficient. Did Utd played well in the semi? No. It was Park's early goal that kill the game. Otherwise Arsenal would probably worked Utd inside out.

I think SAF (Sir Alex Ferguson) mentality for the line up was to capitalise on the Barca defence as Yaya Toure plays as a Center Back. He wanted C.Ron to out run Pique and Yaya as both of them were not the fastest runner on the pitch. The chance never comes as the 2 Barca midfield generals always track back and cover the back 4 which is suppose to be the way Utd should play.

There are other mistakes to go along with the line up. The players themselves were not playing well the usual way. I just dun understand why would SAF played Wayne out of position in the biggest game of the season? Wayne isn't threathening play wide, probably just because he bothers to trackback to help out in the defence. So what ? You are suppose to be leathal in the attack to win the game. In the closing mintues of the 1st half when Rooney was drifted to the striker position he was much more dangerous and I dun know why instead of playing a striker role in the 2nd half he was reverted to play on the right. 0.o ?

I dun understand why Giggs actually starts, this game was anticipated to be a fast game and given his age and fitness could he ? Problably as a sub. He was played behind C.Ron and proved to be a failure. I think SAF didn't study Barca well enough to realise that the Center Mid were pontentially Iniesta and Xavi. He actually lets Carrick take both of them on alone ? While Anderson just run around like he was training ? Giggs wasn't tracking back which i presumed the reason was his fitness. Carrick looked a little tensed having to take on 2 world class Center Midfileder together.

Now to C.Ron, I think he just has to learn how to track back more to be effective as a midfielder. When you are down, get back up straight away and not whine like a inmature kid. I think you are old and professional enough to know that referres dun turn back on their decisions. Get Messi's number and grab a few tips from him.

Although I said Barca deserved to win but they weren't playing beautifully. Eto'o got lucky in my opinion as Vidic doesn't have the pace to keep up with him. Look at Puyol, he is a dsappointment having to be one of the big names in the footballing world. He was always crying when challenged during the match and delibrate time wasting as early as in the 1st half after they lead.

If I were to pick the team for the final, this would be it:

Van Der Sar

O'shea Rio Vidic Evra

C.Ron Scholes Carrick Park

Rooney Tevez
------

I would play C.Ron in the position where is he most comfortable with and switch with Park when deemed fit. Rooney will roam between midfield and stirker area but most on the right side to cover C.Ron if he throws his tantrum as O'shea can't pace Theirry nor Messi nor Eto'o. Evra should stay back to tight mark whoever is on his side from the 3 forward of Barca.

Tevez can continue his great work to keep trying and trying and force some mistakes to counter.
Sit both Scholes and Carrick in front of the back 4 to cover them, hard tackle when necessary.

I might sub Giggs for Scholes during the 65th mintue if still level and fitness to play more attack flowing game. Berba for Park if needed.

Well, SAF said he is going to come back stronger next season which I hope he realised the fact that he needs Tevez to stay. Pay the 26 Millions, ask for the fans donation if need ! LOL.
-

Charity Shield (08/09)
World Club Cup Winner (08/09)
League Cup (08/09)
Premier League Champions (06/07, 07/08, 08/09)

2008-10-23T19:30:00.003+08:00

I am in such a mess now... Sad... I came from so high up and yet now i am falling almost to hell. Life now was such a struggle. Alone in the environment, couldn't really catch up. My brain just isn't working like it used to. I always had this feeling that if it was in the past, i could well have got it right !

Perhaps i should move this kind of thought at the back of my mind. The good feeling is not with me anymore. suddenly i have a feeling of how bay and co feels during poly time. Maybe its the way that i taught and guided them that helped me to learn in the long run. The confidence is gone... everything to be more precise.

Dunno what to do now, i dunwan to be in the situtation i am foreseeing myself to be in. I am LOST.

2008-07-31T17:32:00.003+08:00

Today is my so-called last day of work before i go to school. Hopefully i will be back working when my school starts. Sian... i got to know about it only this morning, can't really say i was shocked as this was what i anticipated. Well, really enjoyed working here although i was all the while quite sian as i was the only 'programmer' and no one else to be able to talk to. The people here treats me really good, grateful to them.

Now really nothing to do and decided to gave a proper closure of my working life before school. Was surfing around the websites and suddenly i was thinking, is it really sad to one that there are people out there in the place you lived in you know and yet you dun see them. Chim ? ... lol. too bad then. Once happy and playful together and then suddenly just become aquantance like nobody business. Human's pattern ?

Here's the breakdown of my own friend circle ever since i can remember.

Primary School:
I dunno everyone but for me every year of school day 1 was a frightening experience for me as the friends you made in the previous year tends to be missing in other classes. I was scared to go to school with everyone i dunno. However, when you are just a kid, its quite easy to make friends with. So i had a total of 6 years of scare on every on the 31 decemeber night. LOL The friends you hang out with changes every year, I was considered fortunate to have a friend to go through the full primary school life with although we just happened to be in the same class for 2 or 3 years. We maintained our friendship throughout, he was the best friend i had that time. Ironically, things started to change when we stepped into the next stage of education.... *cough cough* life.

Secondary School:
Of course, you will pray day and night that when you get your posting for school, you will land in the same sec school with the friends you desire. The reality is, your friends dun stay around your neighbourhood ya? ... of course they would prefer to study nearer to their staying area. I thought i was sooo fortunate to have my best friend from primary school to get into the same sec school as i am. But, he was in the normal(Acad) and i was in Express.
No way our class would be the same and time breaks everything. As usual, the 1st day of school phobia surrounded me. I kept quiet through the first day, looking at others chatting away with one another just like long lost friend. My first friend of the stage came during a Home Econs lesson. He forgot to bring his textbook and had to share with me and he apporached me. I started to open up and then end up making more and more friends. Nothing surpirsing as that's the usual cycle i've been through during my primary school life. Comes sec 2 and you might be thinking "How are my primary school friends been doing? "; "How about a gathering?". Nah... Nobody gives a damn. That time Handphone was not a common thing (so as a computer). Nobody bothered anyway and i thought just might as well... You carried on with your sec life, thinking you are going ahead to a fantastic adult life soon... faster come
fater come. Lots of childish act arised as the puberty affects the balance of the homons, like "Eeeee, i dun friend you like. Sister, you cannot talk to her also arh !!"Here comes the significant seperation of groups in a class. LOL can you imagine that ? During lessons, you stared at me and i stared at you. ROTFL !!! Last year of sec school. The final test. Make or break time. I decided to pull up the sock and strive for the best i could. So there will bound to be come friends that you ususally mix with who couldn't understand why you dun go out and play with them and want to stay at home. In the end, you filtered away those friends that you feel will hinder your studies result. You left that many friends. Work hard Work hard and Voala!!! not bad result (to my concern). Time to move on to the next stage of life dude.

Polytechnic:
This time round, its more flexible to you and your group of hung outs to be in the same institute as there are only 4 to choose from. (All have to go poly because all the results can't make it in my class to JC =X) Conincidentally, I have to move house from lavender to punggol. I had only 1 choice in mind, TP. Its the nearest on the book. Well, who am i to ask my hung outs to go to the same poly as me ? I was the nobody in that group. I was delighted when i know one of them are going to TP to take Business. But in the end, she still chose SP. What a wet blanket. BESH!!!!For me, its just fate, 3rd time i had to start mixing around alone in a brand new studying environment. No choice, had to. I dunwan to led a boh chap and no goal life anymore. I had to be strong man. Got advice from 2 of my elder brother who were grads there too. I got to defend myself, as the instilled was no real hearted friends during poly life. (not true though, i got my fiancee ;) )First year, was assigned with a care group where it will follow you through the 3 years but may not be the case that they will attend the same classes as you. If you know means you know la... dun bother to explain liao... I was bonded quickly with my care group, i dunno why also... then when things started to turn good. tragedy strucked. *thunder thunder*In semester 2, we will need to branch out and specialize on the course we desire. Then some lame shit happened ( read old if want to find out ), i was isolated by my own care group.
Feel the backlash ? So sad, almost went into deep depression. did quite a long of crazy stuff. Guided back by 1 of my best friend till now ah Bay. He was in the same course and then we did lots of things together, soccer, project and many more. I know i am not appealing to others to want them to know me. So I wanted them to recongise me by my results. And through enough, my hard work paid off. Good results. Well known in my course. Know more and more friends. Even the lecturers are my friends now. Then in my new course, i got to know my buddy group till now. We hung out every weekend either for sports purpose or brithday celebrations. They are really my saviour to depression during that time. Big Thankx !
Remembered once where i wanted to go to a autograph session and had no company. I forcefully dragged 2 of them to go with me... lol another thanks !!Here comes NS. Me and buddy group went seperate ways after graduation to individually served NS. We still contact each other because of MSN. Can't really hang out because of busy schedules. But i know deep inside that when 1 is in need... they will come...

NS:
Not much to talk about 'friends' inside cause i wasn't in a section based camp. So not much bond to talk about us. Just ORD and zhao.

Well, until here... the pattern is there for me... at a different stages of life, you will get friends from there and as you move on to the next one... they previous stage of friends would dissapear gradually.

Now... waiting ahead of me are 4 years of Uni life. So Sad that no one i know was in the my faculty... Wished i could know some. I had to face the cycle again... forgot to mention that it gets more diffcult as the age factors plays in. I guess i am the few ones who had this cycle and its not easy to break into and be good friends with people at this stage where they still had their 'old' friends in contact.
Friends for me are rare gems. So i just felt kinda down to realise that there are people whom you know doesn't wants to know you. sign...
Apart from all the above that i wrote, i am so blessed to be given a gift from heaven to be a part of my life till i die... my fiancee... =D

Ciaoz...

Yao~

2008-06-18T11:13:00.002+08:00

Yo!! back for some blogging now...

Currently i am working in the company which i work for before i enlist. The good feelings that i used to have working here is somewhat gone. I couldn't explain it also. Maybe it is the pay, maybe it is the people.

Sian man ... actually i felt kinda descriminated in a way because i couldn't get myself a table which i can properly worked on. Although last time i didn't really had a table but its still a place or property that is dedicated to me. hiaz... sian...

Now, the terminal that i work on doens't have internet access, i am blogging through another computer that is beside mine. I had to do research on this com and work on the other. haha... funny leh ... piang...

The task given to me now is to extend a website which is done by the previous person. Sian lah ... still need to read the codes over and over. Moreover i'd not touch codings for the pass 2 years liao ... gotta pick it up slowly again man. Clear instructions hasn't been given to me yet... so i'm still waiting for dunno when... haha...

That's all bah ... sian ... wished i'll be treated better.

Ciao

Yao~

ORD !!

2008-06-04T09:40:00.002+08:00

Yo Yo.... Peps !!! ORD liao... Times Files? .... like all likes to say... but it certainly doesn't fly for me. Ha... It has been hell for me in my Unit life for NSF. Haha.

I wrote things when I enlisted on 3 Jun 2006... So I thought i might want to do another one when I ORD.

The whole Life of NSF (National Servicemen Full-Time) had lots of Ups and Downs. For me its always the case of more Downs than Ups. In Tekong, althought it is the best time I had during this 2 years of torturing but its the worst compared to the others who were in different company. During BMT, I had a Platoon Sergeant who is totally out of his mind when giving us his piece of mind for all the things he is unsatisfied in. His pressure on me resulted in mental distress for the 3 months under him. However, there is something to cling on to for that period of time, buddies and friends in Army and Poly. (Really missed the times we had)
In Tekong, we do everything together so it is really like we are 1 big family. Fun times and sad times all together. But, like what i'd been saying, there can never be a long lasting Army friends during the National Service. It will always serve a purpose to be in contact with. Some might disagree, well, at least for me.

Next chapter of NS.
POPed and I was disappointingly (dunno got such word or not) posted to be a signallor. I'd hoped for an Officer, if not driver. I didn't want to be in a position where I am stuck in the middle level. I guess it is because of my IPPT result bah. Haha.
Apart from all the misfortunate, I've got to thank them for posting me to Signal Institue. Why? haha. The trainings for Signallor is very slack and so we had lots and lots of free time compared to life in Tekong. During this free time, I am in contact with an old poly friend. Haha... She is my future wife, my Laopo :D. She is really a blessing for me. All the unhappiness I had in camp will be all forgotten during weekends when we meet. She's my mental support in overrall. It could have been far worst in my NS life if not for her.

Unit life.
For a signallor, I got the worst posting. In the unit, we had to go through SOC and regular IPPT. That's really taxing. My commanders of my company wasn't that good as well. Inconsiderate and unreasonable. Why take off when nothing to do also must give reason? ... I want to use my house toliet can ? ... What the hell. I can't really go into details of what my unit has been doing because of law. haha... dunwan to get charge for blogging... haha...
Well, in a nut shell, my unit is the hell that i have always been saying about. All the incidents that happened there totally changed my view of army and it is such a disappointment. Glad that I am out of it and enjoying life as usual.

Now waiting to start school in NUS @ Aug. Currently I am scouting for jobs... haiz... no reply or luck in searching... Folks... got lobang share share arh ... haha.... that's all bah... too long din blog... dunno what to write also...

Ciao

Yao~

2008-02-01T10:10:00.000+08:00

Well, i'm kinda pissed about the situtation i'm in now...

First of all, i dun really understand human thoughts... if you had open the door for enquiries then why are you so impatient when someone approaches you ? If you dunwan to handle any problem then just dun mention any help. Is it that difficult ? Or could have well just decline any form of help and stop being a hypocrite (伪君子) so to speak.

I start to feel that there is no love in the society anymore unless you be one's pet which you would almost agree to whatever tasks that were thrown to you. Pick-a-bone for instance.

I am human, i have the right to say no about things that i feel not right. But i didn't. I still do it because i still had a glim of hope that there are still people out there that would feel the situation i am into. I was wrong.

Sad enough, i am going on ultimatum if the crisis isn't solved at my own hands. I hope that would not be the case.

ciao

2007-11-03T15:12:00.000+08:00

Well well well.... I am back for more of my army life. haha...

Sad to say... i didn't get posted out. The reason ?... Beats me too... My PC just said to me that there ain't plans to post me out. Maybe its my PES status still allows me to go out in the field bah. I can say that during BMT, where all army life starts... I was one hell of the 'Garang' (brave) one... One who would just do anything that i was command to. Maybe its something to do with the Passion and Belief that i posessed in SAF. However, the moment i POPed and was posted to be a Signaller in SI. I think i was see the worst of all. I train hard everyday during admin time and study hard trying to be a good signaller. Who knows, unit people are all selfish and didn't give a damn about what the others might feel... Jobs done and that's it.

I was the victim of the statment above. My Course Commander promised me something but failed to deliver. I was so pissed and depressed. I've given up any possible hopes that i once had about SAF. So now i am in my till ORD unit, i smoke out whenever i can and try not to do things that would not benefit me in anyway. I guess i have turned from a dragon to lazy worm. I am just passing time in my unit and hope that 020608 figure come quickly to end this miserable hell life... SAd...

> 7 months Lo~~

Ciaoz

Yao~

2007-09-12T11:39:00.001+08:00

Hello... really long time since i have posted bah ... hiaz...

Guess some of you might know... i've downgraded too...reason... flat foot... haha... erm... i dunno what's going on too... but i guess the army is quite messed up. I think i will be posted out to a new department, i will still be in my unit though... hiaz... 8 more months man... i will pull through... yeah... i will... so sian... actually if the people in your unit are lovable, it will not be that bad cause you will be willing to give in to whatever that is coming. But its really sucks when the regulars ain't really friendly. They wanted to 'eat' you as far as they could. Perhaps they are not happy about their life after signing on. Then... why sign in the first place ?. .. If its the money that you are after then blame your greediness and not spam your anger on us NSF. hiaz...

I hope the sons of those regulars in the future will get the same or worse treatment in army when its due their turn. If you regulars are already seeing it comming in a way or two, then stop whatever nonesense that you all are planning... maybe the goddness of mercy will spare you. I didn't promise that... i said maybe...

I think i will blog things about army in the future bah... since all my buds are doing that... hehee...

Qoute of the month for regulars ( Seeing NSFs suffer is one hell of good enjoyment ).

Ciaoz

Yao~

2007-05-25T08:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a very long time since i've last blogged here... I think very few had been visiting. Actually there is a reason for me not to blog anymore. Its very simple, I have found out that every time I blog it would be that either I am unhappy or i had something to complain about. So the less i blog here the more i am contented with my life. Well, it doesn't mean that now i blog means i am not though.

I feel that when person is in relationship, there should still be a balance in life as in with their own friends and even some time of privacy is needed. It doesn't mean that when you are happy being with friends, you are not happy being with your lvoe ones. I mean who in the world can win being with the one you had loved the most? When i am camp, the time there is still quite fast when you have something to do, but when you have nothing to do the time can get as slow as it can be. So for those who are in army still or had been through will know that, one would definetly get anything they could find to do to pass the snail crawling time. And what's the thing that a camp had the most ? ... The answer is people. So interacting and doing group activities like playing games together sounds reasonable.

And when you are in camp, I feel that is already a very sad place to be liao. So in order to pass the time quickly, I think keeping yourself upbeat will make you feel better. I mean why make yourself unhappy when you know that the place you are going to is unavoidable ? Be happier so that the time could pass faster. I think some of you guys think so too.

Lastly, just wanted to clarify that i am not think that friends are more important than lover. I think they are important but not as important as my lover. If i had to make a choice, its definitely her.

Ciao

Yao~

BacK~

2007-02-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

Hi people... its been sometime since i have actually blogged liao. Hmmm... just feels that i should utilize this account so i decided to post bah.

Updates, updates and updates.... I think there is no need for me to update my recent cilivilian life le bah... guess most of you guys who had been keeping track of me knows. =D Ya, true enough i had been very happy all this while bah... very happy ... think i'd never been so happy and hopeful for the past years of my life le bah... Thank You ! (guess you know who you are).

This post isn't like anyone that i'd posted in the past... i mean not complain, finger pointing, grumbling and stuff like that. I just wanted to stress something here... i feel its very important, so any misunderstanding can be avoided for life.

See, this is my first and i think the last one... so i really cherish that alot... Sometimes i might be over paranoid about little little stuffs that had been done. I am controlling. I swear to god that i will not do anything that's gonna hinder the bond in anyway... Alright, some might say that those things that I might not think its serious maybe very serious to the other party, its so subjective. To that, i agree fully and i am not referring to that. =D I think i am making the dot darker. Haha.

In any case, I gave my words to all ==> I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING THAT I KNOW YOU WILL BE ANGRY WITH OR DISLIKE. IF ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY, ITS NOT ON PURPOSE. I DIDN'T MEAN IT ! TRUST ME !! >.<

Mark my words... Thankx !

Yao~

Festive ?

2006-12-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

yo... peeps... hmmm.... i dunno how many festive holidays i can enjoy during my time in my F*Up camp. Or I should say solely my company bah... my OC...and 2IC... said to be the highest ranking in personnel are known to be those gugu person that doesn't give off or what shit de... unless its a whole company matter.

Well.... my camp is nothing better...I heard its the only camp not to mention air bases, that needs the soldiers to do a 24 hour guard duty... what shit ?... no RP ? ... the RP is in the guard room just to exchange passes for vistiors ? ... what shit ? (again) So, that means when there is a Public Holiday, I am in the shortlist of personnels that needs to do them... hiaz... lucky me, year 2006 Christmas i dun need to lah .. but what i fear is the CNY'07 ... haiz... My name infront dun have Mohammad leh ... why am i shortlisted sia... I hope not man ... really hope not...

I really hate the governement policies man .... i have had buddies friends made during poly, then because of this army shit... i lost contact from quite a few of them.... Even when the effort was made, its not on the approprate time. For instance, I got off, they don't and vice versa. So ... maybe some of you might say how about weekends then ? ... alright, I can explain to a certian extend. Most of them are attached already, so how am I suppose to be more important then them ? Moreover, in the army, when you are so stressed out in camp 5 days in succession, most would crave for a good rest lobo-ing at home bah ... so no one's gonna entertain. So... from buddies to strangers maybe.... i hope not lah ... seriously ask yourself, since enlisted into SAF, how many times did we meet up ? ... hiaz...

I missed a lot of things, i missed those times when we treat the labs as our 2nd home, the saturday soccer session, smoothy, movie, everything.... hiaz... that's all bah....

I hope this feeling would goes on...

Yao~

Review

2006-12-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hello folks... i think i had owe alot of people explainations for this long period that i've been quiet for. I will leave it for the later part of this post, so keep on reading if you would.

Today (02/12/06), I have had a very meaningful yet hurtful encounter. I was talking to a friend wanting to know whether would i ever had a chance at all after all the crazy shit that i never thought i would done for someone so special. The friend, I would call her Miss A, knows that i was gonna ask something related to the special one the moment i msged her. I shall not go into details of what Miss A and I had talked about. She was very frank to explain to me that its quiet impossible between me and the special one. At the middle of the converstation, she had told me that the special one had actually tried but still can't. That had really made me 'die with some answers'. All the while i actually had made lots of assumptions that she didn't even try. Since now i do know... i guess there's really nothing i could do. I've done what i had and shouldn't had. For what i shouldn't, I regretted very much and would like to apologise to her. IF THERE IS EVER A CHANCE YOU ARE GOING TO READ THIS .. --> SORRY!

Will there be a new life for me or just another horizontal line in the graph of life ? I dunno.
I guess there would be a mixed up in the naming... but... whatever...

>>>>ARMY DAZE
After i had gone for signalor course, I've been posted to Jurong camp. Where it has been said to be the worst place a trained signalor could go to. Bad Luck ! I stayed in the east end, and i had to go to the west end. What a joke the god had played on me. First asked me to serve the nation with no returns, waste 2 years of my time LOBO-ING and now asked me to travel so far just to be tekanned. Haiz... not suay enough was the perhaped the explaination to me. In my new camp, there is this UIP(Unit Induction Program) thingy, that was so-called to help you know better what the unit you are in is doing. But it comes with lots of hard-labour first. I got to experience 3x BMT life there for like 3 weeks. You can't imagine how they are gonna play with you. Haiz... What a life. Comming up is the insane amount of Guard Duty you would have to do during weekdays, weekends and PB. It sounds alright to do, cause you will eventually get the off day back. But in my company, NO!... The OC (Officier in Commanding) doesn't give a shit, he thinks that its your duty to do GD during PB. WTF!!!!.... I am bound to suffer under his hands. Poor me. Poor me. I shall end here... I kinda no mood to write anymore le... hiaz... i will be back for more. stay tune.

Yao~

Hell before we go ~

2006-08-12T22:15:00.000+08:00

WHOoooooooooo!... M Y Desu....

After 10 weeks of hard trainning, i almost passed my IPPT liao ... its just the chin-ups... hiaz... Amazingly, my 2.4 gets silver timming !... WHOoooo.... dunno how i run until like that sia... lol
I got to work hard for chin-up man... can do 1 nia... sad... haha...

Today is my book out day, walk 12km in the morning before booking out. Hell man, very shack ...
Some information to pass down for those who hasn't enlisted for NS. If you get a physcotic Plattoon Sergeant, you are dead man !!!

Let me tell you my story...
Today after the road march, my plattoon was given instruction to go up and rest while the other plattoon is to send arm first. We went up for like 5 mins or less than that, my sergeant called us out and asked us to rush down and send arms. We were late because all are shack and most of them were in admin attire while the expected one was vest slack (army pants and shirt). Some went back to change and most of us were punished for being late lah. Well, for that i've got nothing to say because its our fault and we can only suck thumb. Then just as we are about to move off for dinner, my Plattoon Sergeant (PS) came and give us some. He first said that we are fucked up in everything, movement slow, singing like shit... etc... erm... what the fuck sia... suddenly come and say all this when we are about to POP ? ... isn't that too late ?... (no brain people is like that bah). Next, when we are about to move off, he warned us about our marching that he will make us march for 5 big rounds if it screwed up. There is no way in hell is he to be please with what we did. So we marched and marched until there was no much time for him to play already then he let us go for lunch. During the march, sad to say i've got abrasion. HaiZ. Then he is still not satisfied. He called for a stand by bed after lunch, the whole plattoon worked their ass out to clean everything that we can possibly think of. The time was up. He arrived, and immidietaly he is not happy about the corridor cleaniless and me as the plattoon IC with the cleaners had to give him 20. Next, he went into the bunks to "inspect" the cupboards. He went on to ask those sarcastic questions and went to squeeze the dust from places that you will not expect him to find. He asked the plattoon to clean again.. fortunately, the book out timming is near and the officers had ask him to stop all the shit and let us go. He had no choice, lan lan has to let us go... and said he will conduct again on monday.

Basically, i can conclude that he is a mood swing person with minimal education. He likes to do things his own way as long as he is feeling good. He scold people without thinking, he wanted to win always. He won't admit his mistakes, he likes to see people suffer. He is on the verge of becomming a sadist. He english sucks, dunno how to form sentence (ask me personally), all the other plattoon in the company dun like him.

So... buddy... pray hard that your PS is not with any of the characters stated above. good luck~.

Yao~

The so-called Last Month ~ || ~

2006-07-29T22:31:00.000+08:00

Initially i didn't want to blog this week cause... its quite sian due to the fact that i will be going to another Field Camp that last for 3D2N. Haiz... sad... but anyway... something that i read somehow provoked me deeply that gave me the external energy for me to post this.

Before i start, i will state my points clear that i would not mention any names here. However, some of you might know who I am talking about !

I came upon reading someone's page which i delibrately avoid but accidentally clicked on the link so i guess might as well read since its quite sian. While browsing... i decided to look at the little box where people can do internet chat at and recap what i wrote in previously. It was supposed to be a memorable thing to do until i came across this message that was left down by the owner some 2 to 3 months ago which i missed it somehow during that time. You all might think that i am petty or what... hmmm... i can only say that's my character bah. Or you can say i hate that person.

Here's how the message goes like: "Better go and do some exercise or else it will be tough for your 1/2 year in BMT" I think its one hell of a joke for people like him to say such a thing when he himself doesn't even have a PES assigned to him by CMPB. HAHA !! A weakling trying to mock a guy who is physically and medical fitter that him ?... I was wondering did he ever think of what he wanted to say before he really did? But later did he know that i wasn't going to stay in Tekong for 1/2 but instead for just 15 weeks ? ... i'm afraid he did not !...

Sorry to say that now i am getting fitter everyday, and maybe i shouldn't mock at a guy who can't run 2.4, do shuttle run, do chin-up and last but not least standing board jump. :) good luck to you pal. hope you enlist during my ORD !!!

==========================================

Now... back to some details of what the title suggested. Yes... i have left about 1 month left before i can come back to mainland Singapore and be nearer to my home... :D Its not that Tekong is no good, but its somehow sad to know that you are at an island where there is no home bah. lol Last week had gone for "Live Gernade Throwing" Song sia... the impact... BOOOOMMMM!!! Its kinda scarely in the first place bah ... cause you only get 1 and only chance lor... you screw it... and your life could be in Jeopardy. After you throw... its a brand new thinking, you want to do it again man !... haha.... besides that its just all IPPT training.

Comming up in the week is the 2nd Field Camp that i'd mentioned. Its a test to determine whether you can go to Command School and be a commander anot, also you have to pass your IPPT too lah... I doubt i will be able to... but i will try :D... I need lots of support... from buddies ... and..... hiaz... if she just could... never mind...

Lastly, to the person that provoked me: "If you were to go to any events that i will be going... be sure that i will be polite to you" :)

Ciao

Yao~

week 7

2006-07-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

Blogging now as i am still refreshed :D.

For the past book outs, i didn't blog because i have something to do and if i blog at the same time, its almost as if i am doing the same thing repeatedly. But now i am blogging this one is for all my buddies... at least let them know how have i been doing so far. (Scarely they dun even care! ... haha ... joking joking)

Alright, i shall start... 2 weeks ago had my field camp, if you read my nick you know, its was quite an experience from my point of view. I can say nobody will like it, NOBODY!! The first 2 days of field camp was still quite relac lah, cause need to set up all the things in the camp site till sui sui. We had to build Basha to sleep at night, it was very very cramp lor... difficult to go in and out and still need to put your field pack inside somemore at the same time your 'wife'. HaiZ... At first all of us including me were very reluctant to sit on the mud or grass because we didn't want to dirty out pants, lagi worst when it rains during the 2th day. Haha... soldier scare to be dirty lol. Nevertheless, in the end we treat it as nothing at all le, you have to like wear the same uniform throughout the day training, and you can sweat like hell, everyone stinks in camp. The commanders order us to change a new set at night during the 'powder bath'. I dun give a fuck lah, cause its hard to like get the new set out of your field pack and then put it nicely back in your field pack lah. I wore 1 set for like 3 days then i surrender to the odour and change. My field camp was lucky bah, 6D5N, while peh's was 7D6N hehee. We had to shift camp site at the 4th day, where we will have out tactical break which means "zoh boh". Then the biggest in my Coy, OC, decided that we will not build basha and sleep in an old building. Althought its was like dusty, but considering living for 3 days in the wild and uneven groud, that was heavenly. At last, a flat ground. lol

That night, all the other platoons was "te kan" by their respective PS or PC, then my PS like kanna possesed (he doesn't feel good when his platoon is doing fine) , the room for my Platoon was already being conqured by bees and so we had no choice but to shift to sleep on the corridor area. Our bags were inside the room and things were everywhere. He came in to the room at around 1800 and give us 2 minutes to get all our things and move to the corridor area. Then everybody rush and things dropped everywhere, mixed up. He continued to play the 'everything in, everything out' game with us. Because there were some that was slower, he carry on to say that those done didn't help them accussing us for being selfish. He nag and nag till like 2000 then he say sleep now. WTF sia. That was the only bad thing for the 4th day lah, but heck care lah. He sucks lor.

On the 5th day we got even more lucky, initailly it was more that 100% confirmed that we will build basha to sleep for the last day. Then I think my whole Coy didn't well in the BAC (Battle Assualt Course) and my OC decided to let us sleep in another building again!... haha... Before i knew this, i was quite sad because i was dreadful to sleep on grass again furthermore it rained slightly in the afternoon. Worst!

Last day was BIC, you have to leapord crawl for like 80+ metres through loose sands and then there was machine gun or (GPMG) shooting live rounds above your head lah. DAMN SHACK!... That was field camp.

Then the week after FC was full throttle IPPT training, run and run and run. shack. but next week we going to dig trench and then throw live grenade. song sia... but sian lah ... still need to do area cleaning everyday... sian... kk... see you guys...

CiaoZ

Yao~

~ Finale ~

2006-06-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

Yo Folks, today is my last day of freedom before i go NS. Tomolo 12.30, can only book out 2 weeks later. Now I have a mixed feeling, I am quite excited because i could experience new life and people but on the other hand i missed my friends and my fellow colleagues that i have work as a part-time with. When I am writing this post, one of my buddy is already at the island of all men. I really hope that even after when we were serving NS our buddy gang would still keep in close contacts and buddy forever. Speaking about buddies, I never really dream of still be able to get buddy close friend in poly. I thought buddy making ends at secondary education. Really fortunate of me. I guess I shouldn't be complaining that much afterall. We did hell lots of things together man... very good memories. Thankx Guys!!! You all are the BEST !!

Hmm...I had a lot of thoughts rushing in my mind now... really alot... just having some emotions. I can't exactly spell out what they were. I can say that i hadn't give up yet, althought I tried hard to control myself not to think that much. Maybe... just maybe i was way too eagar to let it happen that's why i had acted so anxiously towards it. Or maybe... its my first time and i am in great thirst for it. Or maybe... I was over-confident that i would do a very good job in the role i wanted to play. And i was wrong le bah ... that's why it never happened. Notice that i didn't mention anything about it since. I thought i would let it go and treat it as an increditable life experience. Nah... I was just deceiving myself, I would think of it very often. Sometimes for very long, sometimes it just came across my mind. So it comes to the very last day of my freedom for the next 2 years. I juset felt that i should record my feelings now and cherish it for life bah.

She gave me a very special feeling during my 1st year of poly. Perhaps she didn't realise that, but it really is something special to me. Her characteristic, expressions and the way she smiles. had all been carved deeply in my memories. Some say i was stupid to actually thought that she was doing those things for me. Ya... i admit... but what can i say ? ... that's blind... isn't it ? I was just attracted to what was being shown to me. ok... that aside.

Personally, i felt that i have done alot of foolish and things that i would not normally have done. Sadly, that wasn't enough to have touched her... instead i think she finds me a nuisance. I was very disappointed and depressed at that moment... and it was during my Major Porject period. Lucky enough, i've had 2 very understanding teammates who had helped me through the period and still managed to get a unexpected grade for the final product. I had to admit, that was the toughest moment of my poly life. When we had a soccer session, i was playing like mad dog man, and sometimes delibrately falls trying to hurt myself. As a matter of fact, it doesn't hurt at all, everything was numb. When i was doing things for her, I was lectured heavily by my mother saying that i was crazy and things similar. But i dun care... well... who actually would care at that time. If I were to say something, it would still be the same, if only i was given a chance, i would prove myself. Just 1 will do, but none were given. At the end of the day, i just wanted to say that i still possessed the feeling as last time, and if there was going to be any miracle, i would grab it without any hestiation.

Just had a solo soccer session at the roof of the carpark in my neighbourhood. Wanted to have the last kick before going in for some PTP (Physical Training Phase). Wonder when it would be before we would be able to have a usual soccer session in school saturday morning. Guess I would miss all the things and people around me. So Long people. ~

Miss Buddies...

Yao~

Nothing much

2006-05-24T14:26:00.000+08:00

Well... 10 more days or rather 9 and the half i will be in Tekong for half a year. Not really sad nor depressed. Anyway, so many had been through it and they are fine so what's there to be afraid about right. Hmmm... no matter what you feel, you still have to go as you are not allowed to oppose the government policy. I might still post before the dateline though.

Today is my first day after my resignation of my part-time job. Not really bear to leave the company as everyone is being regarded at the same level, just like 1 big family. Its beyong my control bah. Can't really cling on to them for too long also because the pay is only acceptable for this moment of my life. =P As some of you may heard of it already, there are 2 TP students serving their Internship in my company and i was in-charged of supervising them. (although I wasn't the official one but i assign them tasks and monitor their work). I can say that my analysis since secondary 1 has been right. The quality of students results has been detorating ever since my born year 1986. Just look at the 'O' Level and PSLE results from the year bah, the percentage has been dropping till today. That's why government had this policy that the more gifted students can actually dun take their 'O's and still able to go for tertiary education. Why ? So that the normal being students percentile will not be dragged by them.

Back to those 2 jokers in my company, there are 2 sides from them. Let me start with the female students first. I can say that her attitude towards this attachment was above average but her technical skills was only better that terrible. Pls do not misunderstood me for looking down on them. Well I am not, I blame the education provided. She confessed that the only reason for being in the IT industry is that she can't get in the business courses. Its still alright up till this point if you had already made until so far. She said she just dun like programming and blaming that she is not talented in programming that's why she can't complete her tasks. Come'on, who is born with talents to programming ?. That's lame... To my point of view, when you are already in the course that you are in on, love the course and not hating. By hating will not do you any good for your future. So, if you can't hate it... love it. Another problem with her is that she keeps bugging me with common sense questions. Yes, it is good that you ask clearly and not assume. But she is just overdoing it, and it just irritates me bad. Questions like "Have i changed me codes correctly?" (Hey!, its your code and you asked me ? ... if I have to help you code then why are you here miss?) , "After i change my code, shall i run it?" (THEN WHY ARE YOU CHANGING THEN?), this is the best : "Got error when i run. HOW?" (WTF!!! DEBUG AND FIND OUT WHY LAH!!!!) . She had ought to be more independent if not she is gonna somehow suffer bah.

Now, comes to the 2 student who is a guy. At the first look, i dun like him. I thought i was being paranoid and decided to give him some chance to prove me wrong. Some time later, i found out that i was completely right, he was someone who is being hated for. His attitude towards working wasn't right at all. At the first day on his attachment, he actually wanted to choose what he had to do and complain to me that what he was doing was 'sian'. HUH ? ... what kind of attitude was that ? . Normal days in office, if he were to talk to some people, his tone and the way he phrases his words makes you feel irritated as he tried to speak to you using words that only familar friends would use on each other. Pls... dun try to act "shou" with us lah ... wait till you really are. He was given data entry work to do and he said he would prefer coding. He told my boss that his programming skills are powerful
Alright, then we gave him VBA (Visual Basic Actionscript) work to him and he keep getting stuck. Well, VBA wasn't taught in school and i am from the same school brother. I too learn and work it out. My point is that dun brag about something when you actually had only been proven in your own circles of people. Be more humble and you will go futher, learn as you move on, move on and learn.

Recently, he kept dozing off half way doing his work. 1 of my colleague who is the 2nd highest rank in my company caught him sleeping and starred at him and he still didn't realise and continue to sleep.His attitude had really got to change man. MY god!!!!! SANKARA had really sent 2 "Ultima Weapon" to my company man. ~~

Yao~

Jay - 深蓝色的情书

2006-05-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

风吹过我的双脚怀念夏天的味道
你的微笑我舍不得一口吃掉
秋天树叶不停掉我的难过有谁知道
身边少了你我真的觉得无聊

风吹起了我衣角
把寂寞装进我背包
怀念你的香水味道
想念让我更加烦恼

我想你知道夏天的味道
刻在我心里永远抹不掉
求求你给我最后的讯号
我会安静地走掉不打扰
昨天的拥抱今天很需要
你给我的好戒也戒不掉
哭泣枕头套夜晚的煎熬
你的城堡我住在地牢
music...

风窜进了我的衣角
把寂寞装进我背包
怀念你的香水味道
想念让我更加烦恼

我想你知道夏天的味道
刻在我心里永远抹不掉
求求你给我最后的讯号
我会安静地走掉不打扰
昨天的拥抱今天很需要
你给我的好戒也戒不掉
哭泣枕头套夜晚的煎熬
你的城堡我住在地牢

不需要不需要

RAP:
我的风吹开了你的头发布
看见了你的眼睛
第一次拥抱就是那么的紧
记不记得我们经过的那场景
OH BABY
我的那件红色外衣还剩下你口红的痕迹
我的爱来读译
夏天的记忆已经不能抹去
你的味道连接空气
我的屋子已经被你占据
现在的你到底这段时间还徘徊在哪里
我的夏天的味道带我找你

A Week Too Late ??

2006-04-14T10:06:00.001+08:00

Well, I always thought that sometimes people should rotate their turns to take some initiative to plan something for buddy buddy to attend... I think it is unfair for a person to always be the in-charge of organising outings thus i thought that it should be my turn this time round.

Fortunately ... i saw a good opportunity comming and decided to start the ball rolling. It was on a public holiday eve and i think it was then we can have fun till very late and be able to sleep to full the next day. I posted the notice a week earlier than the day i were having in mind, I thought popups will soon flood my taskbar with questions regarding the details of the event. I was deep deep wrong... to much of my surprise... no one actually contacted me for the first 4 days, i was quite worried to whether the outing will be valid. So, instead of waiting, i went to them, i asked whoever i spotted and to no avail. Most of them had a working schedule to follow, i was deeply disappointed. However, not all the apporaches that i'd made is bad, some did made an effort to follow up with news about the outing and i am grateful for that.

Now comes the day before the day i'd expected, I had totally gave up hopes for them to all suddenly made avaliable. I was thinking to myself, is my notice 1 week before too late ? ... Did i informed them too late? Perhaps... I did not blame them at all but were largely disappointed for the failure of the outing. Maybe i could try again in the near future again and hope to get better response.

CiaozZz

Yao~

its a post? ... isn't it ?

2006-04-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... i guess everyone really had some significant incident happened to them before this enlisment date. So... everyone refers to my gang. 1 of them, had the worst luck of all, lost his near 1k worth mobile phone and then failed a test then he looks so much deep upon. Hiaz... others... much more servere... maybe you know... maybe you don't. So i hope anyone of you whom i'd expected to be reading, pls pls.... cherish what's around you now... things in any form, people or items... maybe you all dun believe it, well there is one saying: "better to believe than to be sorry" yea ?

Sad things... well as least it doesn't happen to me ... yet... but i do have some quarell issues with my parents thought.... its that the end for me before the E-Date ?. .. well... its still too early to speak. Enough about me happenings liao... its always the same... nothing worth for me to be happy about... so ... ya...

Some of you may not be happy when i pointed something that happened to you and voice out my opinion here... well... if you do... i'm sorry...1 of my friend had some conflict or i would say misunderstanding with his other friend. This friend of his had patched with his gf and when my friend and him met, he was being ignored... This happened to me during my secondary school life, then i think this friend isn't worth bah ... and a person should know how to balance love-ship and friendship bah... I think in the future he will not be trusted hence can't achieve much cause in any of the case, you will need friends to give you a push at the back for you to achieve something. Ignore the guy... you still have others.

Enough of my friends stuff...
As some... i mean some, of you know, i got my enlistment letter and the date is on 3rd of june... a sat... hiaz... sian... its not that i am scare to go or what... just felt that everything came too sudden and the road in front of me was not clear as i didn't have any planning... Questions runs around my head frequently, What will i be doing during NS ? ... what should i be doing ? ... am i doing the right thing ? is this what others will be doing as well ?... The worst, what am i gonna do after NS ... well... i know its kinda 'too early to speak' but its something that will eventually come bah ... so why not ? ... after NS, study ? ... yea, i would if i could. After grade ? ... 28 ? ... probably ... haven't even had a property that is under my name yet. Which industry should i be working ? what else can i do when i start my working life ? ... (since i have been on attachement and part time now, i wouldn't be uncomfortable to work). I feel that it would be very dull for me to just keep working and working directly after NS or Uni. hmmm... I wouldn't be scared to lead my independant life. But am i allowed to do that ? ... i am not finacially equiped yet... So... this is life of a normal teenager in Singapore. So sad... i hope that i could have something for me to worship for during my life in NS or after... but unfortuantely... i wouldn't being granted this wish. Recently, just had this very very weird dream on friday. i think i will not go into details... if not i will be heavily suaned.... its about romance lah ... erm.. then i woke up ... started to think about the time again ... the sad period... till now... 5 days... still thinking... hiaz... why why... i sense something bad is gonna happened to me as what i've mentioned in the first para... its my turn soon... real soon. I dun really understand why i was being terminated by her... except for my physical appearance... i can't change that ... hmmm... kinda unfair though. at least to me... Well, for a consolation, i am quite happy working in my current place... nice people and enviornment. couldn't asked for more. I hope... i really hope i can think of nothing during my service to the nation. otherwise my mood arh... my friends will get it from me man ... then they will be the unfortuante ones... pai seh in advance if there is a need... Think of the questions that i have stated... think about what i've said... it makes sense hopefully.

Cheers....

Yao~

Mood Swinger ?

2006-03-29T14:00:00.000+08:00

Yo!!!

Had been working, 8.30 to 6 daily. Reach home, relac abit then sleep... that's the routine my life this few weeks...

Now in office, waiting for my boss to ask her some questions. Sian... and got some quries so decided to say.

Hmmm... as the topic suggested, I dun really understand all those with high tendancy to mood swing people. Did they think for the others before they attempt something that is adnormal ? ... or even harsh ? ... what do i mean... Good Question !!! Let me explain.

You were with this person for some in the world reason everyday... in the normal days, both of you can joke around and chat all day round. Then, you would have expected that you would be able to interact just as normal with the person since you have been doing that all the days. Then comes this very day. Everything to your point is normal, you train comes as normal, you walked as fast to office, you drank the same brand of coffee as usual... etc..
Finally, the person comes in to the office. (note that everything was still fine in this very moment) . You do the same thing ( i will not go into details) and then you chat with the person as well as doing some buddy buddy teasing. Suddenly, he replied something quite harsh to me standard; i should say something he doesn't normally say to me bah. Doesn't the mood swinger aware of others feeling ?... well, to the limit, as least dun affect the feeling of your friend's feeling bah... you not happy today and you want to make your friend not happy or just wanted to annouced that you are unhappy leh ?... Mood Swinger should take care and be cautious about others feel too, unless it was that person you were talking to who offended you. Why bring your mood out and affect others leh ? ... dun understand.

Ask the person what happen also dunwan to say, then what for let your friend know you are not in a good mood sia ? ... haiz...

So long...

2006-02-23T19:40:00.000+08:00

So long din post... haha... think the reason is in almost everybody's blog that i've know of... yeah... pai seh... repeat abit... busy with project lo.... and exam lah ... so must post long long ... HAHA

My project is comming to a mess when it is nearer to the dateline... simi ? ... wa ma na eh zai ?!?It was like smooth bah ... (or its just my thinking ?) had done whatever was expected... then come this message: "the boss wants to add this..." , "huh ? ... this one not done yet ? ... this is serious". Alright... never mind... I can only just nod my head and obey ... bo bian ... "yi bian shi you qing , yi bian xue xiao". Dun understand never mind... then its difficult to do lor... i dun really like to like work from something that is already shaped... I feel more comfortable to work something from scratch... cause its like 1 solution can't work you can striaght away change the other one without considering that it may result in conflict with the existing solution... (hope you all understand what i am trying to say). When working with exisiting project, there is this reluctancy that appears in me to make me not wanting to do well for it... though the exisiting one is also from me lah ... i guess this is the so-called (Gu Mor) 龟毛 bah. Hahaha... anyway ... now i there is no direction for my current project.... nothing had been said yet... perhaps a later date...

Just the 2nd day of my freedom of life after education... I am starting to get bored liao... games... play whole day also starting to get 'sian-nified' This afternoon around 1.30 Alvin called me, i thought something happened to our project... haha... jio-ed me to his favourite pass-time, starting with 'M' ... yeah... 'numb sauce' or "Mahjong" lol... Quite surprise actually because i was like a noob in playing, not clear with all the rules but still managed to play lah ... had been paying school fees. Come back to that, I'd just woke up when i got the call, been staying up to watch the GIANTS Clash.. Barca vs Chel. My mind was still quite blur and moodless so i turned him down lah ... sorry >_<* not think back abit guilty man ... make them 3 short of 1... hope they could find others... Mahjong not my qiang xiang mah ... so ... lol. Again lah ... paiseh... :D
Continue with my already 'sianified' life... as what my other bros had said... wait to let government feed us liao "deng zhen fu yang" the allowance say a lot not a lot say very little also not very little.... "er bu si" lol. If you had went in with a miserable mood, the 2 years is lightning fast... if not ... it will be your miserable experience... why ? ... (if this is the question you had in mind, read on ... if not, skip this para)
If you were like enjoying your life outside then had really no choice but to be retained by the government at least 5 days a week, you will be like so reluctant to go back ... you would be hating to go back... just like in the past when your parent force you to go for tuition, myabe some of you didn't had... well... in generical terms that is. So on every sunday, you will be so reluctant to wear that uniform, fold the sleeves, pack your bag, tied the boot lace, tuck the bottom of your pants into the ring... etc... you might even had to drag yourself into the bathroom to clean yourself... ya... that's for those who had nice feelings.

Well... then what about the miserable ones... nah... too much to talk about... experience it yourself bah ... AIYa... 2 years... "SHUUUUUU" then gone liao ... haha... talk easy mah ... no need to pay...

What about after that ? ... 2 years... gonna do what ? ... further studies ?... go industrialise ? yeah ... there's only 2 choices bah ... some say part-time uni... well... its gonna be a very tough process... nope... you can get a loan from bank ... that's what my other 2 brother do. So after that work 2 years just to pay the bank lo... no big deal ... can concentrate studying mah ... part-time... longer and then can't concentrate also ... right ? ...just an advise nia... Bro... friend, result can go uni... just go... "there's a will, there's a way" chiong arh !!!!!....

The day when we had our last ever paper in TP... we went to have a celebrating session the content had already been said liao ... so not gonna repeat here... :D... go nerdi's there to read bah ... HAHAHA. Then when we went home... i was waiting for bus, i think for a bit... damn... i have no direction in my life at all man ... out of a sudden... one moment i was having fun and then it just a 'lost' feeling suddenly... I dunno what am i gonna do after NS... what is there for me to do ? ... if i couldn't go NS... what can i do ? ... what profession am i in?...i think of the dip that i hopefully would be getting. There isn't really a specialise part that can define our profession. Meaning... like if software engineering. Your profession is "Software Engineer" something like that. What are we called ? ... "Internet Computing - Broadband Multimediarer" ?.. what do our course specialise in ? ... everything.. abit... "Flash, PHP, C#, ActionScript, HMTL, XML, J2SE, Java media, J2ME, Linux(PAWN), IISO, SQL, Oracale, MS ACCESS, Computer System..." See... so many... not everything is with a lot... meaning... not pro in everyone... some may think its good because can work with many thing... all-rounder. Ya.. so ..? .. not very good in each... I think its better to be pro in 1 thing and use it. I dun see much company's employment advertisement stating : "know alot of programming language" it may be a few ... some wanted you to be pro about it... Dun get me wrong... i am not descriminating this course... no ... just sharing my thoughts... sure ... this course teaches a lot of new things.. really.... so many languages... :D... solli solli ... dun get angry... views only... I am just worried about the job opportunities with this course... hiaZ... suan le... "Lai Le Zai Shuo"

Holiday liao... looking for job... anyone pls have jio hor.. thankx... :D work together mah ... happier... Well...

Are we still Sentosa-ing this sat ? ...

Chaleting at where ?...

Yao~

Yo yo yo yo !!!

2006-01-26T23:34:00.000+08:00

Yo yo yo yo !!! Cyndi come rock with me ... HAHAHA !!!

Happy post... this is... Just to let all of you guys know... during CNY just leave everything behind first... happy the CNY out the most... if not... its kinda no meaning to have CNY at all ya ? ... woo hoo...

Man ... so song... Jay Chou ... inspired me.... 小城里岁月流过去清澈地涌起洗涤过的回忆我记得你骄傲地活下去...

Hmm... i should be proud of what i have now... do what i can now... be like what i used to... and live the hell out of my life... why sad when you can be happy ? ... why not be happy when you are sad ? ... hmmm....

Well... the relationship... suan le bah ... she like... hmmm.... suan le ... not worth after the way she had reacted... so different from my expectation ... so... erm... beyond disappointing... hmm... so forget it ... :D no worries...

Now... i am gonna look up to Jay man ... his life philosophy... so ... Diao...haha....

Lastly... people around me... pls... really enjoy the CNY this year and leave all the stressful things behind... ok ? ... CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!!

The Name to be Proud of !!!
骄傲地活下去

Crap Life i feel

2006-01-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

The life is like 90% crappy for me... pardon me for always complaining... or some of you might say i am whining ... well... its ok ... Read what i am writing next...

DO YOU THINK I FUCKING CARE ???

My life would have counted itself lucky for having a generous of 10% of not so crappy part though... that's the part when i am having a no holds bar life when i am so called free... dun understand then piss off...

Hey blog, its been sometime that i wrote to you ... hmmm... guess what ... sorry for writing only when i am sad ... 4 days... for this 4 days... i had to live up to a life that i didn't want to... i had to be like normal in school because i had to get something important done. I couldn't possibly just give a stupid face and want my members to compromise me... i can't be that selfish bah agree ? ... Got home... then i can be the way i am ... the real me... what a tragedy... had to have split personality ... what have i done that offended the GOD to have me life like this ? ... HELlo !!!??

Hmmm.. i think i haven't mentioned to you about the "My things are my things... your things are my things as well" logic.. unless you could read what i tag lah... but that's not the case. I need help ... serious help... maybe to be its 100% important to the person who could help its just 1%. So ? ... can't help ? ... or dunwan to help ?... hmmm.... how would i know ... i am not that person ? ... why ? ... am i like those... " Huh ? .... yao die liao arh ? ... hmmm.... ok... thankx..."

I was seriously wandering why am i so serious in doing others work ... i do it as if its mine... when i had got mine done that is... then why ain't i getting the same reply huh ... couldn't understand man... couldn't...

I dun care about the result of the task that i need help ... its the effort that the help is being done... no effort... my business is mine ? ... yeah ... good... nice... steady. I need the help and no action is taken ... do you know how bad the feeling is ... ? ... fucking hell hopeless... !! I am sick of it ...

CRAP LIFE I HAVE !!! Where has the theory whereby treat friends the way you want them to treat you gone to ?!?!?!! FUCK YOU !!! FUCK WHOEVER CREATED THAT !!!! PUI ~!!!

2006-01-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

I think most of you guys who reads this would probably know the answer liao ... devasated to say ... i've failed... why ... i dunno .... why ? .... i dunno why i dunno... hmm.... i have absolutely done everything i can and everything i could possibly think of... i have nothing more to offer.... i am empty... then suddenly full of hope.... this hope .... that ... nice things gonna happen ... but where is the verdict of this hope... failed... i couldn't figure what could be the factor... why is it so ? ... why ? ... why ?? ... why am i so............................................

is it wrong to have hope ? then why is there just hope exisiting ? ... why is this hope thing so cruel ? ... i hate hope... i hate the h, the o, the p, and the e !!!I HATE ALL THE 4 LETTERS !!!

I really had told and promised myself that i will not be shaken by this relationship thingy again ... i really do... i am so carefree for a period and then this SOB HOPE came and then ruined my peace again !!!... I HATE YOU !!!! i took a long time to decide whether to go with the hope or not... I TOOK SO LONG !!! AND THEN ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND ME SAY GO FOR IT... AND AFTER I DO... THEY SAY FORGET IT !!!! I AM ALREADY 1 FOOT OUT AND YOU SAY FORGET IT !!!! F YOU !!! I HATE HOPE !!!!

PLS... dun bother about me when i'm in school ... stay away from me...
thankx...

hopes hater...

eh ??

2005-12-29T21:03:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it man... i have met this guy and he has actually spoiled my day 2 times... eh ?!?!? ... Dunno why am i that suay or is that ti gong want to stop me from doing what i wanted to do and send that person down to inform me ? ... if that's the case... thankx man ! ... Well, i am not saying that the guy i am referring to was bad or what ... he is a nice friend though ... but ... hiaZ .... k le .... i am not blaming anyone bah ... just felt that this stage of my life totally sux... the feeling everyday is not good man!

Sian sian sian sian sian sian sian..... why is it that what i wanted at a different stage often doesn't come, and when i got what i wanted ... i already see through it .... pls. .. no no no no no ........ i dunwan like that. Why would i want something i already dun need ? ...

GOD >> pls pls ... be kinder... pls...

There was this meat bun and a man story that i've heard it recently... its sounds something like this. Once upon a time ... there was this hungry man who needs some food or protien in order to survive... when he saw this bun in some where, he craves for it badly !! When the man wanted to go forward to eat the bun, the bun jumps away and said " i am not gonna let you eat in any case". After some time, the man scouted elsewhere and found some other food that are willing to let him eat. Now, the bun found that it's purpose on Earth was to let human beings to consume. the bun went to the man and say ... "come, i'll let you have me". Arh hah... now the man said " i'm full why should i eat you ? ".

See the pointless-ness to have something when you dun need it anymore? ... i dun wish to ...really... prehaps ... i might be ... perhaps ... just perhaps...

I REALLY DUNWAN THAT TO HAPPEN !!!! :'(

"我的辛福几时来?"

Thanks

2005-12-25T14:49:00.000+08:00

Hey guys... thanks for you guys' effort. I really didn't think of that there are still people who came to visit my blog man ... touched... erm... i've seen this word too many times liao and yet it wasn't of the most powerful ones... once again Thankx... erm... perhaps you guys could like tag abit in order to let me feel your presence ?

Effort... erm... maybe just not enough yet for the time being .... no no ... not talking about you guys who reads... Just read a blog by a friend of mine who we both had a very similar thinking towards the philosophy of life though... 90% similar...

He had this girl in mind during sec 2 and then he took the whole world's courage that he could find to actually tell her that he likes her though not face to face... but come to think during sec 2... what's the most important thing in your life at that time ? ... FACE .... ya ... hmmm... then as what he had expected, tio .. 'R' hmmm... then he thought that maybe it was his attitude, behaviour or even his looks ... Well.. then after 5 years... he met her again, he still had the same feeling he had last time ... you took the world's guts and ask the wonderful question "Did you ever liked me before". YES was the reply. However, the irony part is that she is now with somebody who had been through the 5 years. And i agree with him ... he said that in movies... couple had always started with both having the same feeling with each other and in real life its often more likely to be 1 sided instead... yeah.... true ? ... ya lo...

Anyway thankx man !...

Title

2005-12-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Hi blog... hehee... firstly... gotta say sorry to you man ... i would only think of you when i have troubles in my recent life... hope you dun take it to hard man .... but you are the best person i can turn to when i have downs...

Man ... i dunno how to start... current mixed feelings here... i really know that its just me that thinks too much ... but they are all based on what i see and listen with my own eyes and ears ... I hope it really means that i am thinking too much ...

Blog, haha... i think you are not in any where of what i'm talking about right ? ... i know... i believe you would get it ... you always does... no replies or what so ever. I waited for very very long.... still dun have... probably busy or something... i dunno ... haha... you must be laughing at me ... ah hahah.... i dun blame you man ...

Anyway... good news to inform you blog... i am starting to be more pessimestic in looking at things around me ... Happy for me ? ... WOo hooo.... ironic right ? ... one moment i was complaining that i'm down and the other i am say i am happy... haha... huh ? ... what ? ... NUTS ?... hmmm... perhaps i'm one currently... but... but.... not for very long... cause i would allow it to. ok... now your turn... what's up dude... how have you been doing for the past 2 months that i didn't write to you ? .... fine ?... hmm.. ya... i can feel it... give me a five ! Hehee..

hiaZ.... shouldn't have asked about you first... see ?! i forgot what have i still got to tell you man .... blah... ! wait wait wait.... wait a minute.... ya ya ... remembered... let me start it as a new para... pardon me for a second... thankx...

It really wasn't like.... just today kind of thingy...its... like... from the very beinging when both met... and then ... due to some causes.... couldn't start any actions and stuffs...you know.... ya ...
then it was like... so many many days..... let me count.... hold on... yeap... got the figure... 912 days... ya ya... you heard correctly... NINE HUNDRED and TWELVE days... maybe its not long enough... what ? NO? ... thanks for the consolation... pal... that's erm... 21888 hours... man ... hahah ... ya ... i am puzzled as well... how on earth i am able to endure that kind of time... thankx for the pad blog...

I hope i would be able to forgot what i've told you today... haha... maybe i would need you to help me recall what i've said to you ... haha.... thanks blog... take care !...

2005-09-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

Erm.... really nothing to do recently so come and post something to kill some time bah...

Now I'm apporaching the end of my SIP liao ... erm... not sad nor happy. Dunno why ... perhaps its that i might be idling at home during that 2 months of hoilday...

Due to the fact that the company that i am being attached to are quite a big one, therefore they didn't have such a policy to actaully sign a 1 or 2 months part-time worker. So there is really nothing that i can do to ask them to extend my stay in the company. Initially there is a slim chance of me staying... but... nvm...

So... i have been training my soccer alone at night after i knock-off... erm....that's part of an exercise as well as my passion ... haha... go ahead and laugh bah ..... I hope i can persist it long enough bah ...

Kk.... erm... sometimes i really think that fate is something that exist and sometimes i just think that its a prank... Before i was sick for 2 weeks, i have seen the same person in the same MRT cabin for about 2 successive weeks everyday of course... then i was like wah... maybe its... fate ? After i am defeated by germs, i still go to work at the same time goes into the same cabin as usual... i couldn't see the usual face i see before... sad... then i was like... "huh ? ... fate ? ... nah ... shit....". Then something ironic happens, today .... i saw that face again .... opposite me... haha... i was like... "yeah ! .... can see liao ..." Then... some aunties came in and stand right in the middle of my view and block the hell out ... arh .... !!! TMD why like that ? .... sian.... sua... i think that's my "ming yun" bah...

happy hoilday to people who reads and luck for 'o' level studs....

k...

Yao~

What happen to those people ? ?? (away) (busy)

2005-08-25T16:27:00.000+08:00

Actually i found out this problem the moment i have been MSN-ed. I have been ICQ-ing for very long before it suddenly just went out-of-favour with no reason i could think of except for the power of Microsoft.

You see, open your MSN contact list and take a good look at all those online. How many are there who is online and how many are in either (busy) or (away) mode. What i couldn't understand was that when you actually message those people, surprisingly, they reply you. (urgh !? ... shocked) Dunno whether does it consider a trend or they just trying to act cool for being away. What's so trendy or cool about being away while you are actually in front of the monitor ? What's the reason anyway ? I dunno. Honestly, when you guys see me as (away), I am AWAY... why should i fake it ? =)

Now here comes another observation of mine. When i got hold of those short-listed people who are always (away) or (busy) that actually replies you, i started to treat them as (online) when i have matters to talk to them or just have a chat. So when I have some serious matter to talk to say 1 person who is in my shortlist, i message him [my talkable friends are all males... : ( ] and as i have expected he replied "ya?" then i started to go into the topic that i wanted to talk about and waited. No reply for about half an hour... then i started to show some impatient words like "Hello ? YOU THERE? " and "REPLY LEH !~". Then he will reply "I am busy with my work leh". I get so frustrated when i wanted an answer and i need to wait for half an hour...

Ok Ok... here comes my analyses.... If i had someone messaging me regardless of whether it is important or concerns me i would just attend to that person to NOT keep them for waiting. I mean why not reply when the box in your taskbar flashing ? why keep the person on the other side waiting ? Isn't the flashing an alert to you that the person has responded ? Ain't you feel irritated when it flashes while you are working ?...

I wonder whether the person that isn't replying would feels any shame or guilty for not giving the reply that the other person wanted as fast as he could. Maybe the person needs your help eagerly and god damn it you just "Boh Chap" and wait until you are happy then you reply, and by the time you reply the person already doesn't need your help because he had his problem screwed. Won't the person not replying feels the anxiousness too when they are being the one who is not getting a reply ?... Hey, you would eventually gets what you did to the others...

Sometimes when i am really pissed when the person lets me wait i will scold him... then he will tends to say "Pai Seh, i am busy". ERm.... i dun see any jobs or task in the world that involves using a computer would need a person to work on every second of it and would explod or something if that person miss a second of it. (Let's not say people working in stock market, if you are really in that profession then dun go online ! duh~) Can't you just answer or reply that person first then carry on working? how much would you lost? Isn't it better that you reply and satisfy the person messaging you and you could carry working for as long as you like. Rather, i feel that if you are stuck at certain point of your work, you can actually rest your mind for that few mintues when you are replying right ?... and perhaps your stucked problems can be solved after that ?

I feel that if you see the box flashing and ignores it , it would be as good as i am talking face to face to you and you just ignores and do your work... how rude...

Really can't understand what's the reason behind all that.

k...

Yao~

Happy ending ? ... dunno leh...

2005-08-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

Erm... just got some news today and feel neither happy nor sad... cause its like... cold... and abit of... 'who cares' attitude. Hmm... i think i also will be boh chap bah... maybe what had to come has to come and what cannot come won't come... I tried something to save it but there was nothing back to me and i was in mid air... ARHG ... boh chap ...

Back to the polictics... haha... i saw this commercial where they cut a few seconds of what PM Lee had said in his National Rally... Here's what i felt what so damn funny : "when you go to a coffee shop and you order '1 Kopi Ci Koh-Song (coffee with cream milk without sugar), 1Kopi O Gao (Black coffee) and 1 Teh Peng (tea with ice) ' and you will get what everyone orders..." will there was nothing i can say about this but i just felt it funny... haha...

Well i felt that when the government company or authorities is at fault, they should apologise to the public and not just keep quiet. They can't just make it looks like the problem that occur is beyond their control and they are being kind to compensate for it... erm... that's kind of say that black is white... Government sure is operated by humans and humans makes fault... apologise and people might forgive and things might be solved easier... they look like barbareans (forget spelling) . hiaZ... Such a disappointment ...

I think in the future if they found out that the amount of unhealthy gas produced by cars in Singapore was way too high and it might harm us in some ways... they might just ban all the private cars on the street and we can see no private cars on the streets except public transports and by then ERP will be stripped ... LOL...
Hey hey... what's better still, they might force us to buy electricity powered cars and make us cover our own expenses... good hor... Singapore... think can call it sinPAPore better...right ?

k...

Yao~

Politics

2005-08-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

Hmm... i am gonna touch abit on the Singapore government nowadays bah... anyway... i'm just making some comments that i have in my mind.

Let me start with the National Rally yesterday, i was wondering why the government is only interested in the investments, R & D etc... Few years backs i thought the government was anxious about sports in Singapore ? ... why PM Lee didn't even mentioned a word about that ?... hmmm... i think he doesn't care anymore bahz... =) well ...

Then back to last year's National Rally, the government had given money to the citizens and annoouced packages for different level of people in singapore. Every one has been taken care of was what mentioned, but being a poly student... i didn't get any benefits... erm... same to all the poly students. The PM said students, working adults and senior citizens were all taken care of.... well... so what are poly students ?... not classified ? ... we are not in government education nor working adults... so... government missed us ? ... well... i am just doing some back firing and i know it will not be going anywhere.

Just speaking my points...

k...

Yao~

Hi ... all...

2005-08-11T01:28:00.000+08:00

hmmm... Guess i didn't post for quite some time liao ... hmmm...

I had 'Chicken Pox' recently and now i am serving the 2 weeks MC ... haha...fortunately my company doesn't require me to extend my attachment period as the max MC you can get is 1 week...

Having that pox at such a late age isn't good at all... you see, your skin has already develop into some state that is already fully grown, so you will have pox all over and even if you dun scratch it, there will be at least some dark marks there when the pox is gone. Because your skin has somehow stop growing so it will stay there, hmmm... dunno for how long bah... The fever i've got with it was terrible too, 38.9 degree celcius... the doctor told me that i might get brain damage if the heat doesn't goes down... haha... better, then i will live more naively and not get troubled so much... sadly... no...

Anyway, i have almost recovered from that disease and no worries... no damage... haha... would anyone worry ? ... oops... i guess i am asking myself that question bah.... well... ...

Actually there was this thing that troubled me sometime before i was sick, I got it over like in 1 week time but my collegues asked me about my grumby face in the office for that whole week and i felt that there are really not much of a harm telling them too (there are all married women though). So that had given me some advise to see whether the problem of mine still have a hope or not... 1 of them said, she always sends an e-mail to the person that she is qurarrelling with to make her stand clear because she felt that when you are angry you are more prone to not listen and make any logics out of what the other party was saying. Well, i felt that, that was a real life experience and why not ?... So i was having so glimer of hope to have my things settled or what, i sent an e-mail out. Then i waited and waited, i think for around 1.5 weeks, i checked my inbox daily and there wasn't any of the reply. Then perhaps i thought there was no checking of inbox at all for the person i sent to. So i asked my friend to do me a favour to actually asked that person to check the inbox. Then about 2 days later, i was beaten by the germs... and till now... i still do check my inbox for the reply that i was hoping for daily, but still... nothing at all... I guess that's the most i could do already... the stand was clear from my point of view... now i dunno whether i should pursue on or just.... i dunno...

What's wrong with me anyway ? ... can anyone tell me ?... my attitude ? personality ? , character? looks ? gensture? what ?... i dunno.... i am sentenced to death without a reason... should i just let go ?... other people out there are having a nice life and still able to choose what they like and what they dun even... hiaz.... what a failure i am... sad.... the luck hasn't turn over for me yet.... or will it ever ?... i have done everything that i am able to and capable to... and the outcome... is.............. k.... i got nothing to say le....

"has anyone ever written a song for you ?... i did..."

k...

Yao~

frustrated!

2005-07-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

I am very very frustrated over my personal life and my attachment one... Let me talk about my work for my attachment. Its about flash... I just couldn't understand why they required me to draw something which i feel that is totally unesessary ? ... For them they too can't give me a satfisfying asnwer !... Let me give you an example, there is this 1 scene that features the swimming pool area where they wanted to introduce the benefits of installing something to help them to bring the the efficiency there. So I've created the animations that shows the what would it do and what can be done after the pool area is equiped with what are suggested. So now they say, can add someone swimming in the pool ? ... can you draw a person laying on the beach bench having suntec ?... can you make the person walk over and open the locker ? ... what the fuck ? ... you mean without all this, what i've draw does not look like a swimming pool ? ...

The answer they gave me regarding the addition was that to beautify the place... what ? ... you are selling solutions and you think that the client would care whether the place is beautiful ? ... knn... they might as well ask me to go view the pool area of the acutal client they wanted to sell their solutions and ask me to draw? ... Rediculous !!!!! PUI~ KNN What's the problem with them ? ... they think they want me to draw i can like *ting* then the person lying is out izzit? ... I AM NOT AN ARTISE !!!!! MIND YOU @!!! YOU BUNCH OF SUCKERS!!!!

Well...

2005-07-13T16:16:00.000+08:00

I think i kinda get over what i am troubled with this few days... i am someone not easily troubled by something for long... i guess that i will just be the person behind the scene for the time being... I dunno if i should just go away and care no more... hmmm..

I dun wish to be irresponsible bah ... I thrown my temper here already leh... anyway felt better than that day ... =)...

See... i think i have told some of you that NKF cannot be trusted and now *Ta DAaaaa* the media had brought it to the surface... It has been lacking of transparency all the while... People should already be doubtful when they annouced that they are building their own building that is 21million... They are a non-profitable organisation, so... their source of fund can only come from the donations from us... i dun quite understand why are there still people donating to them ? ... Ya... i agree if your intention was that the money would go to those needy patients... but the real case here is that ... the management took a big protion of it and maybe those "selected" patients will get a small portion of the reminding portion... get the point ? .. good...

Since its an organisation built and maintain by our fellow citizens' money... there should be no secrets regarding where are all the transactions goes... true ?... what's the sercretive about to not disclose those statments ? ... people will rob them ? ... i dun understand.

Now that the truth has been found and that is because they are taking the money into their own pockets. I find its ridiculous that the cheif excutive actually wanted to install a gold platted tap that cost at least $1k... -_-'... *blur*... why ? ... hahaa. I wonder whether he has some "depression" that he treated himself as a Kidney Failure patient that's why he used all the money for himself ? ...hmmm... should check his mental health... surely not well at all. lol...

Now... let me think of a new name for that foundation ... hmmm.... yeah... *tink* NKF => [ National Kaysiao Foundation ] ?... Or should change to NDF ? ... National Durai Fundation ? .. (Durai is that person who eats all the money) . ;)

However, i still think that there are way too many shows in a year... they had just finished the cancer show and now its the [President Star Challenge] ... another show... -_-'... Why not we switch role ? ... we op to perform and the artise donates ? ... i think then the artise that feedback to their company and say "wah... Dong Bei Diao arh" dun host so many shows liao . =P...

Ok... time to go ...

k...

Yao~

What have i done wrong

2005-07-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

What in the blue hell have i done wrong ?... Just as i started to have a little bit of hope in my life... the lightning just strucks without any signal... there might be some and i just didn't care about it... even if it is so... was it my fault ?....

Why does such a thing actually happens to me ? ... as what my title of this blog is ... "Bad Luck in Everything" !!!!!!! .... i couldn't think of anything in my life that i have done that makes me feels that luck was by my side... no !... no at all... all the luck only happens to the friends around me... i have seen them having to life with the lady luck alongside... No...i won't blame, even if i do, what can i do to change ? ... nothing ... so i do not want to...

When i thought that my life was getting a little brighter with all the friends that i had, someone just ran towards the spark of light and grab it... now... what i could see was just darkness... ya... pure darkness... I feel that i am being defeated by the reality of life... it has always been cruel to me... and till now... it hasn't change at all... maybe i just accidently offended it somehow and it a payback time for me...

Maybe i should just resigned to life as its quite meaningless to be all th while... but i had to really consider my kins that would be sad if i leave... So... the moment where i had no kins at all... i think i can leave peacefully... there is absolutely nothing for me to live for...even now... what's my next stage of life gonna be ? ... going to Uni ? ... well... even if that's the case it hasn't change from my life now... still the same thing... what if i achieved what no others can ? ... no one is there to celebrate or share the joy with me ... why should i ?...

My friend said that i wasn't positive enough... and like i said to him : there wasn't any successful case for me to believe that i would succeed... i not those think skinned kind... i know my limits... i would be so sticky as in keep on following even that person already expressed the rejection to you... anyway ... its the respecting of her decisions too...

Others told me instead to leave it behind me, anyway i will be in NS soon... so concentrate what's comming to me... erm... ya... i guess i should be and only can be...

I just wanted to always ask this question ... why not give me a chance to prove myself that i can do the job well ? ... why decide for me so early ? ... give me chance to prove... if i can't then i would make my best committment to compromise what was required. What was wrong about me ?... Ya... i know... my physical... sad...there is a lot of people saying, its not about the looks but the personality... as what i have already explained why it is not true at all and not right at all in my previous few post...

Fasinating thing was that, i lost a battle that i wasn't even in it... tragic huh ? ... YEah... you damn right it is... go ahead to guess whatever you all like, and i am not gonna tell you who in the hell is happening.... Shit ... its pure shit... What have i done wrong ? ... what have I !!!.... I really doesn't have a clue...

k...

"pls pls.... let me go..."

Yao~

Wah... Dong Bay Diao

2005-07-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

Today had lunch with them as usual , so the assumptions that was pointed out yesterday was broken ... hehee... heng... no need to eat alone liao ... heng heng heng....

Then they also talk about all things under the sun lor... hiaZ... then the whole room there is only me and another guy there who are male... the rest 4 to 5 are females...Then suddenly, my supervisor who goes to collect her health screening result yesterday burst this topic out.

So I was eating half way then they talk about the Sise or something like that i dunno how to spell... Its called "Liu" in chinese, however its not a tumour or what.... then its in her ovary or something... they were like discussing this thing during lunch... woo.... WHAT ?... i am abit embrassed when they touch on this topic sia... i'm a guy mah ... then the other male collegue i mentioned just now ? ... was fast enough to eat fast and run fast...

Nice move... haha... i think next time i shall come out with a topic on penis... hahha... then they know what they discuss today is kinda *ahem* .... hehee

Nothing much to write today actually, i am preparing my notes for the course i am conducting on flash in my company during august, ya... you didn't read wrong, ITS ME !!!... haha... 'It would be so empty without ME!' I finished my flash liao, but my supervisor rushing her work and has no time to view... so gonna wait... then today just keep preparing and preparing... and time just flies... when you are concentrating on your work. This post so short... sian... first time so short... LOL.

k...

Yao~

what cause the change ?

2005-07-06T14:18:00.000+08:00

Today was like... erm the 2nd most alone day i have in the office man ... Everytime for the past 7 weeks, when its time for lunch and people who are farmilar with me would always like "Eh, lunch liao" then i would then follow them to buy whatever they go back to the office to eat mah. That's the routine steps from the past weeks mah.

Then today, I was reading the sports news on the internet to spend some time because i was like done with what i am supposed to do and my supervisor was quite busy and couldn't take a look at my work. So the time passes by 9am , 10am , 11am and 11.55am, then i was getting prepared for those people to like say the same thing before i can like follow them to buy lunch, so i was waiting and waiting, suddenly i turn back and found out that i was the only person left in the office... ???? hmmmm ? ???... what the heck man ???... wah ... then i also like blur and dunno what to do. I was shocked that they didn't ask me along for lunch sia... so i was abit sad lor... yesterday i just praise in my post that there are 2 nice collegue i have and today they abandon me... ... typical singaporean who cannot be praised.... sad...

Then i just go out of the office on my own and then go striaght to subway and eat at my own desk. Sad.... i was very blur and full of doubts in my mind when i eat, did i do something wrong ? did i said something wrong? did i ? ... did i ? ...all this sort of questions keep running in my head... I have absolutely no idea what happen and why nobody had ask me along for lunch ? ... I wouldn't dare to ask them why, i find it kinda foolish to ask man ... what if the answer from them was "you dun dare to eat alone arh ?" ... well haha... actually i have a respond for this, "Then why you all everyday also need to eat together leh ? ... you all dun like to eat alone so do i"... haha... anyway... i didn't ask ...

Wondering why human beings attitude could change so fast in just less than 24 hours ?... what had take place in their mind that set them to do something weird from normal days ? ... hmm... this research sounds interesting but i am not interested to do that ... time wasting... :P I was thinking if i had to eat alone everyday from today onwards for at least 2 more months... i will not have any and i mean ANY morale to go work anymore man ... its like... go, work, home, go,work,home....EErk.... no no no ... need some socialism everyday to keep you motivated.... anyway... this is not my carear so there isn't any goals in the company that i can use as an alternative to keep myself motivated.... true? ... now serving this attachment is just a part of my studies still... and i am not earning much now from this company... so ... ya... I just hope tomolo will be different... :D if its the same... you will see me grumble in my post tomolo le.... so... stay tune for the aftermath... hehee...

Erm... anyway... i will be producing my 3rd song soon... this few days got inspiration and the "dong li" to work and produce this song... hmmm... in the office really nothing to do man.. so i am gonna produce the lyrics in the office and the recording at home... the lyrics not out yet... but i think by this week or lastest next week... so be sure to come here often and you might just listen to my voice again .. :D...

k...

Yao~

Lunch talks.

2005-07-05T16:08:00.000+08:00

Yo yo yo... folks... hmmm... i wrote yesterday that i kinda mumbled the bad things about my
supervisor. Surprisingly, today i saw her msn nick is says "Complain without constructive
reasons will become a habit"... oh no... i thought she was talking about me complaining
her... i was quite worried about that becuase i still have around 3 months or so to work
with her and there is no way i can afford to offend her man... otherwise i will be like...
*ahem*... However, i am not scare of her confronting me if she did, i have every right to
defend what i've said and confident that i wasn't wrong at all, so i didn't much put this
matter to heart and times flies in the early morning. Here comes lunch time and my
supervisor didn't follow, i think she was busy with her work still but request her fellow
collegue to help her to get some takeaway, when we were back in the office as usual sitting
in the meeting from to eat our lunch. She sat down and didn't say a word, then the others
there eating was chit chatting about the comming on projects and things... so she start to
talk like "hahaha, so what's the next thing for our 'brother'(that's me) " ... her tone was
normal... so from that i kinda comfrim that what she wrote in her nick wasn't about me at
all... hmmm... *peace*

Well anyway the usual lunch time talk goes on and today they have touched on the topic of
the televison donating program that was held last saturday. So 1 of the collegue said that
she doesn't know which number represent how many number of calls( e.g 6888 == 8 calls) so
like what the example shows, she dailed the 6888 one and she thought it only represent 1
call and she called 3 times. When her bill arrives and she exclaimed that it cost $200 ++...
haha... i would say that she is abit muddle head bah... so many '8's at the end of the number its
quite obvious that it is more than 1 call... like '6833' is means 3 call per dial. its that
simple... hmm... maybe and just maybe she missed the other 2 or 3 numbers that were showing
on the top let of the TV screen bah... well never mind about that.

So the talk continues and now they goes to the sur-charged that were collected per call of
the donation. 1 of them say the red telecom company should have absorb the charges and let
the money stays at $5. I kinda agree... then the muddle head person i mentioned above said
that the company didn't proit through what are charged per calls it just nicely covers the
cost. Hmmm... it sounds reasonable to me too... really... But... wait wait ... there is
always a 'but' for me ok ok ? ... BUT, i feel that whatever is done on saturday, its for
charity and why not let the red company contribute some money to the charity too ? ... why
are they such a special local company then are involved in the event and not contributing ?
Bias right ? ... what to do ? ... we're in Singapore !
So the topic now flows to whether those performing artise where getting paid to perform or
not ? ... so most of them said no... then 1 of them jumped out and said maybe the overseas
artise are. hmmm... Here comes another question, you never know whether the performers get
paid or not they didn't mentioned it, did they ? On the advertisment, did the MC said "We
have so so so .... who are performing on this event and they did it for FREE ? " did they ?
... erm... perhaps some of you might think about the courtesy of saying such things... erm
?... if you are already in the show, was the big deal of saying ? ... probably you might
just gain popularity for doing free shows for charity ? Comes another question, the performer always prompt the viewers to call and donate and donate... well... who's earning more money and who's not calling ? ... Remember during the kidney charity last year? ... energy and 5566 all those TW stars came and perform ? ... the host will always ask the whole group of people to do the action that is to call in front of the camera? ... Hey come'on, that's all fake ok ? ... think about it, how and why do those TW stars subscribe to local telecom and call for donations ? ... that's too fake ok....
haha...

Hey folks... dun always think of the good side for all the charity things that you
encounter... from now on ... take a little bit of time and think about the dark side of
it... let me just start you kicking. Our most popular charity show every year is receieving
millions and millions of dollar from all sources, TV shows, flag selling, auction during the
7th lunar month etc.... now you know which foundation am i talking about ? ... if not ? ...
i think you are not a singaporean ... :D ... so this foundation had build a building of its
own and on its own... its a private building owned by them. Can you imagine the amount
needed to build ? ... guess where the money had come from ? ... yea... our donations...
yea... so i think i heard before that some said that they build it to provide better quality
service for the paitens or the poor... hey, if you take the sum of money that were thrown to
build the building you can help many many many many many more paitents and perhaps increase the subsidise even... that's crap... so from that day that i know they build a building on
their own onwards... i didn't dial a single call... They are receiving such a huge sum of
money every year and yet there are no formal reports on where had all the money gone to and
what did they used on ... we as a donors of the money aint given the right information where
had our money acutally gone to... who knows probably they had mostly gone to some where
else that we don't wish them to go to ... arh... that's up to you to think. I think we have
the right to know detailed where the money exactly had gone to...maybe it goes to areas where you doesn't want to...
hmmm... the other organisation is different... the one that is a hospital to take care or
the sick ones... i am impressed because, before the start of the show, they actually had
this video that shows what had they bought with the money they've got last year and how many
patients had benefitted from it etc... that should be the way man... so i donated 1 or 2
calls for them and i am happy because they are very responsible to do that... bravo... count
with your fingers how many charity events are there a year and this year there are an
additional one which is still going on and 1 events contribute 2 shows... so count that and
multiple by 2...:)

You see alot of the charity event had prizes that attracts viewers to donate... hey man...
those condos and prize money and credit cards that were given out... the contributers of
those items can cash them in and donate it will effective then to wait for donations... and
by giving out those prizes, it just shows that some people are donating out of their own
will and its just not right...

Hmmm... i've said quite a lot and its up to you folks to think about it and see whether you
wants to carry on... :)...

Add on:

erm... initially i have ended this post already... but something that i am not very happy about happened. na bei... I am kind hearted to like provided my mp3s to my supervisor in the early days in the company, then she said from all my 1.5 Gb songs she only kept 1 or 2 songs ... then from that i know she is kinda retro listerner lor.... ok lah ... you are retorer and i'm not... that's fine with me lah ... then just now what the hell sia... knn.... 1 collugue asked me whether i have mp3 to share to her and then my supervisor was there too then she added "Not need lah, his song not nice one." in chinese that is... what the heck ? .... you are a person who listens to retro songs and you said that all my lastest artises' POP songs are not nice ? ... hey man... she is just 1 of the most self-centered person i've ever met sia... avoiding others to have their own thinking... The lastest pop song not nice ?... I think its her earing and mindset got problem man ...hiaZ... suay man... met such person... Pui~

k...

Yao~

What a weekend.

2005-07-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

Well, when i say weekend, it includes friday too, i think most of you folks felt the same.
=D. The last weekend that i've had was a entertaining one. Friday, this is the day that i go
and listen to what my Uncle (Mr Gates) have to say for all the people in the IT industry, I
was quite excited the day before hehee... However, its still a working day, so i have to
come to the office at usual time first and then set off with my office people together. When
i arrived in the office, i had no mood to work or even open flash workspace.. because we
will be setting off at 1130 and i feel that there is no point to do so tiny little bit of
work. So 1 of my nicer collegue came over and asked me to show her the almost finished
version of my flash. I showed her then she was quite amazed of what i've done and i felt
fully appreciated by her but i was still in doubt whether my work is that good like what she
have said or not. Somehow i started to tell her what the others commented when they view it
the other day which was kinda bad, then she was like trying to talk me through about the way
people in the office talk and doesn't want me to misunderstand or take what they say too
hard or whatever.

Erm, from my point of view, if you do not have the intension of saying what you want to,
then it shouldn't be in your mind at all. So when you have what you would like to say in
your mind already that means you have this intension of what you are thinking, and its ever
worst when you say it out. How can you claim that you doesn't have this intension at all ?
... Bullshit ?... hiaz... but the nice collegue of mine just wants me to feel better...
anyway the bullshit wasn't for her...:D. then the other nice collegue came by and wanted to
view my flash too and she was saying almost the same things the other nice collegue was
saying. Then both of them were like counselling me about their office culture, haha... then
i was debating all the way with them to my point that i want to express. Then we were
talking all the way to like 1150 then the supervisor was like "Can you 2 release him? " the
him was referring to me of course... haha... I think they didn't imagine that i have much of
a complain and have started to realise... hmmm... that seems to be a good thing and a bad
thing, who knows? ... they may just backstab me and tell them to my supervisor and from then
i will be in livin' hell... sux.... haha... who cares ? ... really.

My Uncle's seminar wasn't that better or good either hmmm, nothing much to say about it,
just the question that were asked : "Why is Microsoft so against Open Source ? "...
hahaha... I think this STUNS my uncle big time... and i forgot what exactly his
explaination was but the question was really funny !... hahaha.

After that i went home to get myself ready for an appointment which was the bday of my sec
friend. So we went to the cineleisure's Kbox at 2300 ++ . Kbox was really quite a
disappointment for me man... It was such a nice impression before that day ...The outview of Kbox was like very luxurious the placing of the various artise albums and the
plasma TV outside etc.... woo... so nice... then i when i went in, ARgh! !! The room was
damn small and the TV was soooooo near and the 7 of us can hardly move around, choose a
place and sit down still!.. -_-'. Then people there can smoke wherever they like in the
"AIR-Coned" area in Kbox, the whole place smell. 1 of the microphone was spoil in my room
and the staff there insis that it was working and refused to change 1. Then sing sing sing
till 5am. Actually we were supposed to go at 3am instead but we were like 'bo hiu' and sing
2 more hours...haha... only then i felt revenged !... hahaha Kbox really make a bad
impression to me ... sad...

This friday was a tiring one... I slept till 4pm sat and just relaxed whole day and just sunday the F1 race disappoint me again... hiaZ... why can't Schumi just win a grand prix when Alonso is racing ? ... sad... only finished 3rd and it was a gift from Montoya. Sad... John Todd pls do some magic... help schumi to make legend ...

k...

Yao~

What kind of shit is this ?

2005-06-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

What the Hell... Shit... Tmd lor.... i have done the flash project for the company and then i dun even get to put my name as credits at the end of the flash ... what's the shit ? ... stealing the copyrights of my flash ? ... this really let me see how HITACHI interanlly works man... this company is in my black list liao ... PUI~ Ni Na Bei... I am very hot and angry.

I can still remember clearly on the very first day of my work then my supervisor said " You must do good work leh, cause your name will be on your work piece leh" ... What the shit is she talking about sia... Just now i show her my work then i put my name at the last scene where it shows all the credits.... When she saw it.... "haha, i think you should put HITACHI instead, haha"
My Bloddy hell ass man, the caption i put for my name was "Graphics / Animation / Idea", so she is trying to say that all those animation and stuffs are done by their staffs and not me ? ... what in the blue hell shit is that ... for me that's even worst than downloading songs from unauthorize site man ... its daylight robbery... PUI !!! If they want their name to be there, they could use another caption and not saying that its done by them ya ?.

This incident let me feels that this company is so selfish and only cares about its own interest... The only question i have is that "Doesn't the employee deserved to be credited after completing a piece of work of its own ? .. " That's kind of shitty man.

i'm back !

2005-06-29T16:28:00.000+08:00

During this few days in the office working, i dunno why i have this feeling of "sianess" in doing what i am supposed to do man ... then i would rather sit there and stared at the monitor than do my work.

Now i have think through and i am back to the energetic me then work all the way to the time to knock-off.... song boh... this way the time will fly faster man... sui lah .... haha....

Sian man, i finished the flash i wanted to show to my supervisor then so coincedent she had problems in her program and then she had to solve it. Sad, now i'm waiting for her to finish then can show her... nothing to do now leh ...

I found out some fantastic excuse for all working staffs to take a long rest after the lunch hour, that is to pick up smoking... haha... (Crazy huh? ) well, my intention is to just share what i've saw. When i went out of the building to buy some sweets and you can see more than 5 people standing there and take the puffs. So the boss or whatever really can't say anything about it cause the reason for them to smoke outside is given by government too isn't it ? ... They imposted a law to probhit taking puffs in all air-con environment, so... haha... Then comes to this topic, i was thinking why Singapore won't want to be the first country to ban tobacco, so no one smoking and bosses won't be complaining or so whatever. Hmm... you might say that if they do, they will lose big profits from those taxes. Well, they could act like what they do to gums too, ban when they found that it is dangerous or probably its just that they dun like it ? That time when they ban gums, people too grumble and does no help. So now government could might as well just ban and shut their ears to all those puffers that makes noises after ban, by the time, haha... maybe other fellow countries would follow and be a smoke-free country. Great ? I think it is, just be as firm as the time to ban gums...

If government really ban, i think tourist may just be reduced, hmmm... this is a serious harm to think about. Then i was wondering why no tourist dun choose us because they can't chew here ?... maybe if someone powerful do this kind of research and result in finding there is a huge figures of tourist don't come because they can't chew... haha... then we can chew here again... great too right... haha. Think about it.

k...

Yao~

what the fook .... -_-'... sad + girls !

2005-06-28T16:03:00.000+08:00

Sad man, I am finishing the project that is given to me and i left 1 part. I totally forgot what the remaining part is about man, then all the while i was doing the project without putting it into consideration sia... shackx... then now i have no space for this part and if i am going to change the settings, i have to change like, ... the whole thing... oh man ... sad ... real sad. I just hope that i can do some compromising to the current setting to eventually add what i am supposed to .... arhg.... sad.... ITS A TRAGEDY !!!.... lol

Haha... after around 1 hour, i have made it. I have placed the booth in for the last part !... yeah man... haha...many probably doesn't know what am i talking about, erm partly because what i am doing now is kinda confidential so can't share.... anyway this blog is not read by any... its just for my own pleasure to write things down that i couldn't find a person to talk to. Get the point? ... thankx.

Something funny is that i actually only knows what i am doing now is to disclosed to others until my LO came and visit me and when he asked my supervisor what am i currently working on, then she said "he is working on a secret project".. ah ha.... that means i am not suppose to say anything on what i am doing... luckily i haven't before that... HEEeeeEE.

Sometimes i think i am somehow abit lucky in a way that i might be able to earn a lot of money in a shorter time... why ?. .. because i only have my parent and myself to feed on ... so... its kinda light on my side.... that's great... well... pls dun get the wrong idea that i am a gay or something else... if you have been following my post in this blog... then you will know that i am not... =) So, i shall not repeat myself here....

Occasionally, i feel that its good to be a girl apart from all the physical sufferings that female got in their body... if you are smart enough you will know what i meant. Girls i mean those that are average looking or above and not those ...eh.... *smile*. When you are a girl like that, you can easily have friends everywhere, regardless about your personality. When you are sad, friends from everywhere will be rushing to you and console you, making sure that you will be very cheerful after that... isn't that great ?
And as according to the traditions, its always the guys that had to apporach the girl. So for girls, they do no need to fear that they will not be attached. They can also go as unreasonable, wilful and Abandon (ren xing) as they want and perhaps only the same kind would feel that its intoleratable, but never mind, guys liked that... So this conclude that girls with any personality or what so ever are at least being accepted by some groups of people.. haha... great !

A couple of you reading this may say that what i've pointed out are all the good side of the girls... however, with all this benefits... its already good enough, because at the later stage of life, its the relationship with all the peers that is important and nothing else. Think about it whoever is reading this...

k...

Yao~

Religion(S) ~

2005-06-27T12:50:00.000+08:00

Well... haha... as the topic suggested. My workplace here has 2 hardcore religious group, the Christians and the Buddishism and some free thinker as well (ME) . Hmmm.... they are harmony against each other, no fighting or any pusuading for either party to convert or so whatever.

The interesting thing about those people who are religious is that they had absolutely benefitial thinking about their own one. Today, i was having lunch in the meeting room and the others joined in and as usual they will chat while you are eating, comment about the looks of your food, compare the price, give some compliement etc... (can't i just have a piece of mind when having lunch ? kekee). So today they have touched on a topic where 1 of the female staff's in-laws had different religion, her parent side is pure buddisht and her in-laws are thinking about converting to christian. So the worrying things for this female staff is that she is quite open-minded whereby she is willing to accept that her in-laws were from a different religion from her but not her husband. However, her in-laws are trying to drag her husband to follow the religion too, and the problem comes when she doesn't know where her children should follow if their parents are from 2 different religion.
So i was thinking that why should parent have the right to decide what religion that their child is going to follow or perhaps force them to follow what they worship now ?... Yeah... maybe you would probably say that "it's your parents who bring you up and give you what you want till you are in a independant age". Well... i would say that its their part to do that for you when they decide to bring you into this world during the night right ? ... so when they do their part in bringing you up and you should leave the other personal things of them to decide themselves. If they only wants to be a free thinker and so what ?... let them be then... why force them to follow a religion ?

A good thing that i felt to be a free thinker is that you no need to worry about the future when you are married and what religion your other half is in... and if you find that your partner's religion is cool and benefitial to you... then you still have the rights in the whole world to worship right ? ... if you locked yourself to a religion so soon, you might end up in a sorry agnony where you are in danger of letting a solid relationship to slip away. So this is my point of view of worshiping a religion.

Now i have a query about vegetarians (people who eats only vegetables). Probably some of you may heard that they say that they doesn't want to 'Sa Shen' (kill living life), but come to think about it, isn't any green plants or fruits a living life too ? ... if not how do you explain that it can turn into something big its original state is just a seed ? ... and why farmers water them to let them "GROW" ? so this kinda explains why plants and fruits are living things. Erm... i am not saying that vegetarians are liars... but i think they should change what they meant, they should have said they do not eat animals rather than not killing lives... true? ... Scientist has already proven that when you speak to a plant at night and there will be some kind of sound wave produced by them and so they respond and grows better... ya ?

And my collegue explains to me that plants are not living things because they dun scream when you kill them ... huh ? ... *_* ... wouldn't it be scary if plants are able to speak ? ... lol from my point of veiw is that plants dun shout because they dun have a hole to do that ... they doesn't have the organs ,like humans do, to do that ya ? So i think in the future they should say they are not eating animals instead really.... =)

kk...

Disclaimer: "All the points said above is in no ways or intentions to offend anyone. If any of you dos... my apologies."

Yao~

what a day

2005-06-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

Time passes so so so slowly today. Dunno why is it so when it reaches friday, maybe too eager to go home or what shit... Recently a friend of mine is like keeping something from me. I hinted and still keep the mouth sealed. nice skill. Anyway... quite devastated when i know there is something kept from me... dunno why... maybe there is still a gap between. When will the gap be pulled close ? , i dun think so...

Remember my post when i ended with quote that says things about the looks of guys? .. let me eleborate more on that. Some of my friend always says that girls will go for talented / smart / knowledgable guys and they dun really go for looks. Well... its true some way, maybe a little portion of percentage.

When a guy is not handsome, the girl would even have the interest to get close with the guy and know what the guy knows or is like. So how in the blue hell would the girl find something very positive in the guy and starting to have nice impression, eventually be together ?... NO... it ain't gonna happen in a hundred years folks...
The story changes when the girl meet guy that looked average and above. First the girl will have interest and perhaps some motivations to talk and know more about the guy and hope that the guy would also have nice impression of the girl. So as they talk for days, weeks and months, the girl will then know what inside the guy and decide if she would accept the guy if there is a chance the guy apporach the girl. True ?.... Hell yes.! If you read this and experience that you happened to be the bad looking guy and girls still surrounds you ... haha... you are a damn lucky guy then ... I have absolutely nothing to say if that's the case. For me... 19 years.... minus away 12 years of ignorance, 7 years... it has been the same story throughout my secondary and teriary education. So I have all the reasons in the world to say that what i've pointed out is nothing but truth.

Sometimes i really dunno why i do something that is quite stupid when i alreayd knew that the thing i do will never turn good... but i still do it... stupid i am. It seems like that is a unseen force that is pushing me to do it... never mind, anyway i already have done it... so no point to discuss it anymore, i hope this kind of thing won't happen again. Just why perservere when its already no chance ?... hiaZ... sux.... Life's a Struggle !

k..

Yao~

hmmm....

2005-06-23T14:56:00.000+08:00

In the begining of my attachment, my supervisor was acting like a babysitter to me. Just today, i have found that she actually is quite a female charvanist. She kinda expects everyone specially the males to agree to what she'd said or probably follows them... huh ?

Yesterday she told me that she hates to go out with girls as she finds it quite boring in some way, all the while she only goes out with male friends, including her going-to-be husband. Well, i not critising her here though, i just want to share things about people that i met. She is quite femanie not those butch or tomboy kind but i just can't figure out why she has had this kind of character inside her. ? ... lol...

The current project that i had to do was quite a draggy one... so everyday is like doing the same things and i had no choice but to repeat what i've wrote on monday in the e-log. haha... 'Ok lah'...

Time to say something better about my company bah... hmm.... let me think ... (thinking very hard)... I've already said that the pantry was good, so i'll say something else then. I have a free role in the office actually, means i can walk around anytime i want, but know the common sense limit. There are few days that i am so sian then i just go out and walk around the "Change Alley" outside Raffles MRT station and then when i felt more relaxed then i go back... song boh ? lol.. kk..

Yao~

Am i am Teenager ? ~

2005-06-21T15:39:00.000+08:00

Haha.. the reason why i set this title for this post is that i suddenly realised that i dun really do what normal teenagers do at this age... OH !... so am i a teenager folks? haha... i dunno man.

First, let me just add on to yesterday's post. In the project i designed a very 'stylo' object to be a server. Then when i show it to them, guess what... they said the server i drawn looks like a modem. WTF !!! .... middle age people think and visual so differently... sad... and they ask me to change to a old type of server drawing which is those looks like a CPU ... wth sia.... -__-""""""

k le... i think that's about it on them for a moment... kekee.... haha...

I suddenly realised since yesterday that i could use the time in the office to actually update my blog oftenly ... haha... smart eh ? ... As what i've tag mentioned, i would rather bring the flash to do at home than to travel all the way from my house to the office in the early morning...
In the office there is really nothing much to do man ... the first thing i do when i reach the office is to switch on the PC and double-clicked on the flash.exe file and then open the recent file and work... sad man... real sad. However, everyday before i start working i would spend around half-hour to look at the sports news... that's the only thing that i would long for when i step out from my house to the office, that's the only motivation that i could think of to convince myself that i have something of my interest i could do in the office. haha... i describe my office like hell huh ? ... haha... actaully, my office isn't that bad. There is a pantry with all the hot beverage that you can think of, and the around me are good to talk to but not working !... lol

The ari-con here is good too, but sometime too cold like working in a fridge. Now i re-called something, remember folks, that the government or some television programm said that there are increasing numbers of carrear women not getting married ? .... haha... i would like to say : 'F ITS A TOTAL CRAP !' to whom said that. All the female collegues here are all married... including my supervisor who is engaged to married next year. There are around 15 female collegues and all of them are married... and most of them had more than 2 kids! ... haha... i wonder where had those statments saying that carrear women stay single came from ? ... haha...

kk.... that's all for today folks

"When you are not good-looking, even you have fantastic talent, no girls would want to make friends and know more about you... so good-looking is a key factor. "

Yao~

What a life ~ -_-' ~

2005-06-20T13:44:00.000+08:00

hello everyone , just feels a bit guility that i told most of you that i will be re-activating this blog and yet there weren't any posting as regularly as before. oopss... well, one reason was that i feels that i shouldn't be posting whatever i feel for that day and i think i got some feebacks that it is kind of annoying though. Secondly, I really dun have that much of feelings as compared in the past.

Recently i'm servnig my attachment in an office. I can say that i can totally understand the meaning of the term "Generation Gap". All my so-called "Colleagues" are in their near 30s and some are way over and so on. So i am the only 'teenagers' in this office. Their mindset are really... erm how should i put it... erm... Traditional ? ....maybe this is the word.
As most of you all who had be up with me often would know that i am doing some flash presentation for my company. Its kinda 'sian' up till now.. basically apply what i learn and not learn something new. -_-' ... and in the past, SIP is considered as "Industry attachment". So... i think i would have some chance of know what the idustries wants and expects. Well... this comapany doesn't give me that kind of opportunity to hace that kind of experience. (notice that my opportunity is spelled in singular? ... (= ) The flash that i have done and doing are just Pure tweening and that it. Wait till in the later part of this post, more interesting contents coming that would certainly stuns you.

I found out that the reason why i am being attach to my current company is that, in the department, none of them knew nothing about graphical tools or softwares, half of them were programming and the other was networking. So they had this project that would need a visual support to sell off better. Well... from my point of view... they could have just apporach a design company and have their animated presentation done in no time. However, from what i know is that it would somehow be a little costly. So my supervisor's boss requested for a attachment and i was the lucky one. Why ?... Because by aquiring me, they can save a bomb and assign many more projects that weren't initally needed to be visualized to me. Smart Eh ? ...
As i have said earlier in the post, my supervisor did actually confessed that none of them in my department knew anything about graphics. In the begining, i wasn't so pissed because i thought i can display my creativity in flash and designed almost everything accroding to my own personally feel and style. However, when i was excited showing my complete prototype to my supervisor, she pure wet blanket over me. She said that why my design of some things are like that... and clams that what i've designed doesn't come close to what she had in mind. Then i was like ... "huh ? ... then you should have told me eariler that you have thought of some design and i could work closer to what you think right ? " At that moment i was abit mad but not that really because i was still trying to adapt the new environment yet. So i somehow manage to do major changes to my original one to cater.

After that when the final version of my flash is ready and show all those people that were involve in the project, then they all were like in the market saying "This scene can add this and that blah blah blah ... " Knn, i was a broadband multimedia student alright, i am not from design school, i dunno how to draw all those things you all mention ok ... kns... If i were to be able to draw what i think of, i would really be in design school already. what shit... !

Then come to my current project, i have drawn out a house, and obviously that every house needs a roof ... so i added one. Then comes this mid-30 lady saying, "Haha, this looks like the hawker center in East Coast". I only can say that this people really "Gao Hiam" lor... I mean you can't even draw and you are complaining about others work which is far more better than yours ? ... Well... I am not saying that my work is very good but at least better. I think they should in the other way to have try to appreicate work by others which you cannot do. Just like programming, when others coded something fantastic using very little lines... you should compliment them and try to learn it and not saying things like "Aiyo, some little lines, later got bug you also dunno man" this just shows disrespect to that person and make a fool out of yourself. I just hope that those people can buck up soon. Saded...

1 last thing, in the office, they assigned me a PC with only 504MB RAM and 2.6Ghz processor and they expect large scales of flash to be done. My home PC is even better than this man... crap... so disappointed with such illustrated company...

Thankx for reading folks...
(P.S wrote in the office)

Yao~

What a crap!

2005-05-08T11:24:00.000+08:00

Holiday is indeed very de sianz man... everyday just simply doing the same thing sia... sad... teenagers no life sia. I ask friend to organise for an outing and he said he was waiting for one... -_-'... hiaZ.

Well recently hear people saying singaporeans are like this singaporeans are like that... well... TO THOSE WHO SAID THIS: YOU ARE NOT SINGAPOREAN IZZIT ?... CRAP...

When you have no choice but to live in this country you dun go and speak bad things about them, because it is absolutely no point to criticize your own people.

Hiaz.... nothing to say liao...

STILL, I SEE NO UP ALL THE BACKSTABBERS !!!! F U!

Yao~

DoJoN Tan - Ni Zai Wo Yan Li

2005-04-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

Yo yo yo ... I have re-lived this blog!!... hmm... Nothing much to say bah ... but would like to share 1 story that i heard today, its about friendship...

There are this bunch of friends that is today for about 2 years in school, doing things together and having all the breaks together whenever they are able to... so you folks can guess that the group of friends are quite close and very "Machi"... They share everything among themselves and to people they are like closed sisters and brothers.

However, the unfortunate strikes (Thunder Sound, groom groooomm), there is this event that needs them to form a group of 4 together to participate... this 4 friends of course as expected would form a group. Suddenly, the situation changes, the committee wanted only maximum 3 in a group, so the "Machi" friends had to sacrify 1 member. Actually they had a few alternatives ways to reform the group, they can seperate into 2 groups with 2 friends a side and get another person outside to join each group.

Among the 4 "Machi" friends, its 2 guys and 2 gals. The 2 gals are close sisters, from my point of view, they could have just form a group themselves and then get another outsider into their group, that applies to the guys group too. But that's not the case otherwise i would not be writing, 1 of the gals of the sisters wanted to be with the other 2 guys in the "Machi" group because she felt more comfortable to work with guys rather than gals. So those 3 decided to form a group among themselves and then outcast the other remanining gal.

Well, come to think... under what hell circumstances you are not supposed to outcast or we normally say "Pang Seh" a person who plays a role in your life when you needed her/him. I think the 3 friends that outcasted the gal is of unkind... HaiZ... How can you outcast somebody who you drag in the group in the begining and just kick her out when the situation changes? ... outrageous move or attitude or mentality (suddenly ran out of words) What do they expect the gal to do after being thrown alone? ... Even if they had no choice but to kick her out, think of a backdoor that she can use at least ... HaiZ...

Now this gal was like totally disappointed with the act and felt "BACKSTABBED"... lol that's what i've wrote too in the earlier stages of my blog too if you guys have the heart to at least remember what i've wrote :)

She felt that she had wasted 2 years of her time spending with those people and kind of ... upset... hiaZ... ~ The End ~

Now i would like to share my views here:

I totally understands how the gal feels now... exactly what i've been through, but i think she had much much deeper thought and upset than me cause i've only been with those friends that Backstabbed me for about 6 - 8 months nia... heng man... That gal ? 2 years ! man ... i hope i can really console her man ... Now as for those 'backstabbers' in the story above, I think they had extremely bad friendship managment and ought to have deep thoughts. They only think for themselves and didn't spare a thoughts for others regardless who the person is... hiaZ... bad behaviour...

Yao~

Haiz... really hope that people could have some thoughts for others at all times... friends should be only a stepping stone in your life... think about it.

Well as i've said, i would release my new songs with this re-living of my blog :) below is the lyrics (Track 1 is the new one and Track 2 is the old one) :

DoJoN Tan - Wo (ME)

2004-11-07T23:54:00.000+08:00

The song you are about to hear is compose by me. The following is the lyrics:

welL...

2004-10-27T13:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday go work in factory lor.. then its those kind of job where you need to do the same thing over and over again ... quite sian halfway... but... money is the key...

My line of people working with me was nice... talking to everyone throughout lor... hmmm... good lah... at least i got so distraction to stop looking at the clock.

I am not really in the mood to talk funny things do something that is pleasing for everyone. Sometimes just felt left out bah... erm.. maybe because i am big ? ... i think most prob is the case bah ... however, no one would actually say 'yes' ... its like erm... never mind. I think i am not suitable to the group of T01 bah... no offence to all... Well... my philosophy to poly studies is that, people would only have this in mind "Everyone man for himself". So i just dun find it worthy to like actually give out everything that i know to anyone that apporaches me bah... well... this prophasy is getting true everyday bah... Well... people... i would just like to clarify to many of you hor... its not that i dunwan to teach or help you all do some "Studies" related stuffs hor... its not that i am very selfish or what lor. Its just that i know that the moment i finish teach or helping hor... then it will "bye bye" to me liao. So i dun find trusted at any moment bah ... I am not asking for any returns or whatever it is bah ... its just that i hope you all would just appreciate what i've given and maybe be kind towards me or something... overrall... just treat me as a memorable friend bah ... i know what i've said doesn't really applies to everyone of you lah ... well... i am just talking on this point in an overrall manner... This happens to me the moment i've stepped into TP. So i am kind of cautious lor... i have also realised something during this 1 and a half year "People you helped will just forget"

So by this sem, i had told myself to not to help too much so to prevent such things to happen lor... Well, in the end, as expected, I didn't give much help and the same outcome has happen. Then if i really behave like a Mr Help, i think probably the same thing would just happen bah ... So... this time round i was not that depressed as compared to the first 2 times. Should i say that i'm lucky or what man!~ ... Maybe i should really go and think about this man... " Are poly friends that long and trustworthy ? " I've met many that is says a 'No' to that question.

So far, only met a couple of people in poly that i feel that they are friends that i can count on bah...There are many of times where people just make promises whenever they like lor... and they just doesn't fullfill them. Hmm.. anyway promises doesn't cost too~... I think that's the reason why they could make so many and just forget about them. Make promises to somebody make sure you really fulfill them lor... I just hate people who does that man ... Those people give another person some hope to hope for and then in the end there was even any effort made for the promise that is being made. THAT SUX~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People sometimes always say the wrong thing at the wrong times, including me, well... that's normal but. its just not quite abnormal if people just say something wrong everytime. E.g If you regard everyone in the class as a class, so when you have something on or you wanted to really represent all of them, you should really including every single one that was mentioned. If you only wants some from the group only and not all the people. Then just say that its for all the friends only. Its like there isn't any respect made out of it bah. At least make an effort to call them and dun just say " Aiya... there won't turn up one lah~~" well.. if you didn't try who knows ? Sickening...~ -_-"

Maybe i should put any effort in this anyway... hmm.... invested some... but in the end got my fingers burned... Never mind... Count that as an experience learned bah ... Dunno why am i always the unlucky ... people can talk happily out there and then i just had to shut my mouth and listen... people dun enjoy or wanted to talk to me even... hiaz... this is no low in confidence or something... its a fact you see... not the first time le bah ... very sian one lor... you have nobody to talk to... then suddenly you see many people talking to each other and you know most of them. Its like very "Xin Suan" ... I am still trying to adapt life on my own one... no need to count on people lor... especially friends.... sian ... ...

Everytime its like that... in school quite steady ... then no school liao .... then "No More"... hmmm... that's the tradition bah.... erm... anyway ... I am very sure that this will be my last post here liao ... and people if you would... continue to tag here bah ... I will still update things in here... Take Care~

CiaoZ

Yao~

Sian

2004-10-23T19:49:00.000+08:00

Today is a very very very sian day for me ... As expected... nothing had change from the past till now... hiaZ... i dunno when am i able to get a new life out of my current one ... perhaps never !... well who knows ...

Saw people's blog... most are putting their results out... hmm... I dun have such a habit so i think i would not post them here liao ... I dunno what to say now really ... erm... perhaps... this is my last post here...

CiaoZ

Yao~

LieW~

2004-10-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

Sian lah ... i dunno man ... People what about me that you all dun like arh ? ... can tell me so that i can change? ... my friend once told me that i shouldn't blame people for not involving me... or be friends with me... but should as myself why can't i be friend of them ?... So if you are kind enough pls pls pls tell me the answer bah... really want to know lor...

This sem class people... can say very good and also can say not very good leh ... i mean ... from the point of my own view lah. Its like ... certain things doesn't seems quite right lor... Ya... no doubt this class is supporting ... Like the BBQ that we had on sunday, its was only decided on the day before, and its was a completed event afterall. The response still not bad lah ... 11 turn up. However the bad thing is that whoever came had to pay lor... bo bian...

Then comes to some other things liao ... when i am in need of people to help or what... no one seems to care or what lor... then its like, this class people, exculding the females, only wants to be with me for fun and laughter other than that they just seems to bo chap. hiaz... What have i done that you all just hate me arh ? ... hiaZ...

I would like to say this here also ... :P hahaha.... my blog also got a tag-board lor... can come and tag also ? ... its like people only tag elsewhere lor... hiaZ... sian ....

CiaoZ

Yao~

Very tried of it manZ

2004-10-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

Firstly... Today's Jason Peh's Bday... happy birthday!!~~

Really very tired of it man ... i also dun understand myself also... after 2 sem liao ... still dun understand ... everyone treat you for something for a reason one... everyone's the same...

Here's a senario:

Xiao ming is a well-known lawyer, he hasn't lost a case yet for 10 years of his career. Ali was a very good friend of xiao ming. So there was one time Ali was unfortuanely invloved in a lawsuit. So he has this idea of apporaching xiao ming to be his lawyer to defend him. Xiao ming as a friend agreed to help him at no cost at all. Xiao ming as a committed friend spend hours to gather informations on the case. Xiao ming sacrifies his time to sleep helping Ali. Finally Xiao ming won the case.

The day after the court had anncounced the verdict that Ali was not found guilty and they shaked hands, Ali has gone disappeared.

End~

The senario above may not be as clear... but its shouldn't be too... I am really tired of this happening liao ... trust me ... for the comming sem... no more of this kind of sh*t ! SIAN~~~!!!

CiaoZ!

Yao~

I dunno....

2004-09-30T16:54:00.000+08:00

Currently i really dunno what should i do ... things just happens suddenly and unexpected, that caught me suddenly. I'm lost now lah ... dun really wanna think about what to do next ... i will just stick to what i've decided to earlier ...

Then now i can see the aliance liao... but its not of bad things de lah ... just can see 2 significant group now liao ... Last time i thought it was the same group... but no... haha... nothing much to say about that bah... its within my limits... can't really do anything... Preparing for the up comming exams... just 2 paper ... but i won't take it that lightly also... my friend say i kiasu... say i want to chiong DHL ... hahaha... well... its not that man ... just wanna change as according to the past of me. People whom always listen to me talking would know how am i like in the past bah... people who doesn't know ... well too bad... anyway i think you all also dun give a damn about me bah... well... same here... :P

I think its just fate bah... my blog isn't that busy all the time... except those times when my blog "Kai Zhang". Lol. People started to swift away liao ... hmm.. that's alright... initially i open this account is just to say out what i felt after a day of incidents, doesn't really wanna catch any attention or sympathy ...

I hope something that i really wanted can be mine lah ... i am kinda suay in my life bah... not lucky de... hope that this time i can be... :) ... dun i think my chances for it to happen are high... anyway i'm already prepared... !!!... kk...

CiaoZ

Yao~

Wah Sian

2004-09-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

Firstly, would like to annouce that i am officially comming back agian. Weird right, after every thing has been submitted... i still say sian... Hiaz... i've got a lot of thing to fan de lah... never ending. I also dunno why and how too... HiaZ... what to do leh ? ... Today the presentation for my UID floop sia... the Sherly Tan... wah lau... ask me so chim question... something like " why you want to design it this way? " ... how to answer sia... design is design lah... this is my solution to the problem that is given to me what... hiaZ... then i just talk nonsense lor. what to do... then the songer thing is that my documentation actually missed out the SITE MAP page sia... then end up going to level 2 lab to re-draw again... tmd... Opps... shouldn't say vulgarity here... hiaZ...

Everything over le.... then now i dunno what can i do lor... i am worrying about something... i am scared of the outcome... i really hope that's not the case bah... Sian ... then now i am very sure that after the exam and project period... i would be at home alone again liao... same kind of story ever since i've joined TP. Not to all of you people lah ... but some lor... studying time... keep finding me... then when there are the times that doesn't need to study... then i will not be reminded in their minds... sian... expected de... somemore "Wo Yi Jing Kan Kai Le". Quite realistic acutally i would say... everytime also like that... sometimes i think, alone alone lor... I am fated to be like that bah... Last time still quite stuborn in this... always think that i can do something to change the fact...but always failed de... then now so-called " Ren Ming"

How i wish that i can say everything out here and then be less troubled... but can't de lorz... hiAz.... I think end here le bah... nothing much to say actually... sian... very tired.... and troubled... anyway... happy mooncake festival to anyone who read this.

"if i die, would anyone shed a tear for me ?"

Life really SuckS!

2004-09-03T22:34:00.000+08:00

Woah man ... i am always being treated the oppsite ways that i treat people man... why ? ... can't you people just treat me the way that i always treat you all ? ... spare some thoughts for me bah ... i really am very very tired of this kind of things liao ... I dun look like someone who can be easily cheated... but why am i always getting cheated ?

What kind of world is this ? ... When young... school say you want people to treat you good, you have to treat people good also ... but why this isn't happening in my life ?... This life of mine just sucks big time... BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope i can leave this Shity and Fu*king world as soon as i can ...

Really enough le ... very tired .... think i am always free to help or be kind you all ? ... i am also very tired when i help ... but i still do ... hang on there... not sleeping... help ... until the outcome you all wants... but in the end leh ? .... who the F**k up would realise this leh ? ... all thought i am someone who can do things fast and someone who doesn't need to sleep.... I am always alone in fighting this life war and struggle to set free of troubles.... "HEN LEI" !!!!!!

"if i die, would anyone shed a tear for me?"

Yao~

........

2004-08-30T07:45:00.000+08:00

Haiz... i've got alot to say in this post... so folks.... just bear with it ok ? ... well... the ironic thing is that... this situation is just as what i thought... i will be writing post that no one would actually read bah ... in the first place the response to my blog was still quite good....at that time... i thought i was wrong... however, when the school reopens... Wah La... that's what actually happen... nothing wrong about this... just saying for the say to. Initially i was also thinking of writing to myself only... arhg... who cares.~ Read or not... Beat it...

Ok.... enough of commenting and let's get started, this week is quite my busy week bah... although there is no datelines this week... however there are alot of events that i am participating in... well.. its pretty tired of course... but the main point is the process that took its place... it was really really enjoyable ... The CCN (Campus Care Network) day is one that is memorable... everyone was like... dun care liao ... just shout and shout to lure people to buy our stuffs...hahaha... in the end... we'd at least made some profit haha... what a accomplishment ... really... we came with nothing and we made some profit ... wooo.... well done class...!!!
Then after the day that is saturday... had to come back to school for the make up lesson... only 1 hour... hiaZ... sian... although i know that the UID paper is not going to be given back but there is still the presentation marks to be grabbed... right... ?... haha... "point face" aiya... studying is about how to score right... :X Then after that make up lesson i had to attend the sports day track and field event official... haha... it was very very hard in the afternoon... then the whole thing lasted for around 7 hours... I was being posted to help in the javelin part... helping the more senior official to measure the distance. I only can say that the TP athelics perform like..... hiaZ.... almost every event there were at the back of the list... hiaZ.... whatever... still had to salute them for their efforts for taking up the race... I was a little sun-burned as i was on the field... hiaZ... But it is all the SEAL points mah... so can only keep quiet bah ... haha... After the whole thing then bay and my friends were resting and we joke around, it was very fun too...
This sums up my consecative very tired day ... hiaZ... sian ... dunno why feel sian ...

Everytime when i had a feelings of things that i think it is, it always turn out to have the opposite outcome. I analyze for a while just now... and i felt that i am actually just a passer-by all the time in someone's life... whether is friends or foes.... I really wanted people to treat me as good as what i've treated them... but it just seems not happening i also dunno why... I can swear that i'd never mis treated my friends that i've known. I never turn down their request at all ... folks... just recall bah... when did i say a 'no' when you all had tell me a sentence that ends with a question mark? Then why are you all treat me or take me as a person who is a problem solver ? why? ... am i good to be used ?... am i too kind until you are take me for granted ? ... ask your concious bah... i really dunno... I dun wish to be just a passer-by ... i wanted to be someone important ... remembered... tell me how can i do it ? ... i will try my best to do it...
One more thing is that people always let me have the wrong idea one ... shouldn't have even started in the first place.... since it has taken place, i had always dream of... then i would always get the world's most cruel news of my life that is i am just nothing... just a "Lu Ren Jia". I really hope that someone would actually think back what i've done for him/her and probably regard me as someone important in their life bah...

Recently i've learn quite a lot of lesson regarding life... It sucks as all of us knows... however... i feel that if you dun think about anything when you saw something happen that is affecting you... just treat it very normally. Then you will not have this grudge or what when it is not what you would think it is. true? ... chim ?...
Forgive and forget is the best skill to equip with when you are out there... it is also skill that is the most difficult to have... try asking yourself... if you someone really offended you in anyway which hurts you most deeply, would you have a thought of forgiving?
When a person come in front of you to confront or confess to you, however, you do not wish that he/she is the one so you rejected him. And are you able to talk to him/her like old friends as usual ?... I guess not many of us are able to ... even if you are able to do so... what about the other party ? ... right ?
When you face troubles... friends or some really good buddies would they help ? ... They will give all sorts of excuses and disappears when you really need them. When they are facing some problems... and they apporaches you... will you help ? ... I would definetly help... cause i always hope for the better that is people will help me back... sad to say ... it hasn't been that all my life.

I really would like to ask this question ... is it my results that make all of you to be friends with me ?... Well... talking about results... the term test results. Other friends of mine holding a blog all post something regarding their results... I guess no one that knows me actually wants to know my results huh... so i will not mention much here liao. NOTE: when someone actually helps you in anyway and lets you achieve something... you should have at least give that person some creadits that he/she deserves especially when the person had made sacrifice.

I now began to felt that my friends made in year 1 had acutally grow up ... and think matured and do matured... well its a good thing cause now its my turn to look up to them liao ... They had really show how inmatured i am in the past days really... i'm quite regret of what i've done that time... for now... i'm sorry... to anyone who needs this from me... people that i've know in my first ever semester in school... i admit i am being childish at times during the days when we most of our breaks together. Hope you all would forgive me...

Back to the same topic that i would always say bah ... that is ... i really dunno when will i be getting someone i really like and at the same time that someone could accept me... maybe the answer is 'no chance'? Many people say that if you really like someone and you should wait till your chance is there... my response to that would be if you really wait till that long she/he might be with others already... however... i'm still waiting though... trying to hope for some miracle bah. Some also said that if the person is already with somebody...then its time for you to give up le... if you feel sad when there are info regarding him then forget him ... well... i dunno whether to agree with this...still thinking.

Then lastly i hope you all dun neglect me when we are together... i mean... dun talk amount yourself mah ... talk to me also...otherwise i will be very sian de... haha... nothing much to say le... i think during school days i will only update my blog once a week liao ... really quite busy handling school work... For those who had bad results for their term test dun give up dun be depressed strive hard in the projects and you will get better de... !
CiaoZ~!

"If i die, would anyone shed a tear for me?"

Yao~

No Title

2004-08-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

Just suddenly felt that i've somehow learn something from what i'm giving everyday lor... dun say that i always complain ... but in fact i'm just sharing my experiences with you all ... listen or not its up to you folks to decide liao ... so... i doesn't really matter to me in anyway.

Felt like being abandoned sometimes lah ... cause its like ... a weird feeling bah ... but i think its kind of stupid to think like that too... When you and your friend always does the same thing with you together ... and somehow there's one chance where your friend gets something or a task that doesn't involve you... then for me... i will have such a feeling of being outcasted but dunno why lah ... that's natural... then its like... erm... kind of bei song bah .... but never mind de lah ...its just of me being 'bu hui xiang'. Hhaha...i will be dead if that friend of mine saw this... hahaha

Then sometimes the gender oppostie me can be like very steady lor... maybe its of me thinking too much ... but ... still think i will say ... From talkable and apporachable become cannot talk and dun even know each other... so kind of stun.... dunno what to say liao ... just stun ... lor... and 1 more word to go with it... JUE! .... 绝 !! .... really ....speechless now... that's very rare of me ... k le.... study days can't write the long long post liao....
CiaoZ

"if i die, will anyone shed a tear for me ?"

Yao~

FailUre

2004-08-21T18:53:00.000+08:00

As what the title has suggested, i'm a failure in doing the things i really want the most. Hiaz... i thought that i will be getting some outcome for my post eariler... but... hiAz... another sad one... nothing... and i mean nothing at ALL... can you dig that ? I dunno lah ... maybe the post is too long that cause some of them din even read. What should i do ? ... or what can i do ? ... I guess i only can simply sit down and pray bah... People were happily chatting, talking and teasing each other ... whereas i am just sitting alone at one little dark dark corner. Hiaz... people always say that i think too much liao ... but actaully i had a long and really deep thoughts about everything that is significant to me before i voice it out... Dunno why keep saying i think too much .... hiaZ...

Let's talk more about the result of my previous post bah... that's more interesting i feel. After a few days of waiting and some sort of things like that... I started to realise that people reading that were getting the whole idea wrong... that just ruined my "Yong Xin Liang Ku". Quite disappointed in myself and my friends cause they ain't really getting the message that i wanted them to. As for myself, i blame myself for not writing that good enough to pass the message loud and clear. What to do ? .. i am that sucky. Until now... i am still abit depressed over the effort that i have given and nothing back for me... why ... i am still asking this question to myself... dunno when it will stop ... hiaZ... Hope 1 day they realise bah ... but i think when the day comes... i'm already in the coffin liao ... hiaZ...felt so sian when think of being kicked out of their group hiaZ....

Over the few days can hardly write ... cause a lot of things to do liao lor... sian man!! But actually think back hor... haha... din really feel that sian lah... cause helping people mah ... help people should be happy.... right....hmmm.... guess so... Sometimes i felt that writing things here may be some time wasting effort ... cause its like ermmm... write liao people also boh chap kind of feeling to me... hiaZ... I had lots of feelings in me man ... but dunno what is what... all mixed up sia... what the .... hiaZ... Well before i go... i just wanted to say : "sometimes what you want or feel isn't what it is really all about".
So... think about it and maybe you will get what i am trying to say bah. I hope it wasn't the case for me certainly though...really hope the best would come to me... but i doubt so when the real truth comes... haha... but what to do ... still have to face it lor... if not... what... I think i just have to live it with my life until something that happened prevent me from doing so...
CiaoZ

"If i die, would anyone shed a tear for me?"
Yao~

Friends..... indeed..... (Dedicated to C040 people)

2004-08-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

Haiz.... Why am i always failing in whatever i do in life ?... whatever i've done is wrong ... whatever i do is not the way i thought it was... everything just seems to be oppposing me... !!! How i wish i could just die tomolo when i was in my bed and be able to run away from all those sorrows that i had to bear with... that would be a very nice way out for me... I dunno what have i ever done wrong in my whole life that cause me that ... i had always been kind to everyone... even when i scold people... it was either i'm joking or i just wanted good for you and nothing else... and yet people still find me a shit man ... yeah... shit man!.... I can never be good in anyones eye... i am always either a person that carries 'arragonace' or just someone who is cheap and useless. I just can't find anything that i've done so far that i'm satisfied and had the outcome that i wanted... NO....! not at all... my life has been sucky and i've mentioned it upteen times...

I'm in a very bad, lousy mood now... so i dun care whether i've offended anyone in this post... i dun care... I used to be a bad person in secondary school, because my results are poor... and i just dun have a good phyiscal outlook to make me look good in class... So i just dun care about the others... whether you have or not a good result... or you understand this topic or not... i just dun care... The 'O'Levels exam buck me up, i suddenly felt that i couldn't live my life likes this anymore.... I cannot let the others look down on me... i already dun have a convincing outlook... i cannot be academically crippled also... i had to prove the others wrong.!!! I HAD TO!!!!!!!!!! So... i manage to get a quite ok result or aggregate in the end... mostly thanks to my wonderful tutor... grateful to her... I thought it was a complete turn around for my life... i am no longer academic handicap... i am able to study.... During the 6 months holiday... i worked the hell out of me... and only managed to get a new handphone which is the one i'm carrying now... then i was so tired out by the job i had and i suddenly i felt that it has been a long time since i study liao ... so i had this interest in studying when the poly opens... I really pia so hard that i didn't quite join all those activities that my groups of friends had... i had this message keep running in my head that tells me to study and prove to the others that i am capable... i am good.. i am being respected... So... after the term test.. my results proves it all... but i guess people doesn't felt it that way... people just feel that i am just an ordinary guy that is able to study... not outstanding enough...
Well, the worst has yet to come. Those quite realistic people just willing to receive efforts from people and not willing to give ... i dunno the right way to phrase that ... but... who carEs!~ After the term test, there is a project that is needed to be done... so ... i just wanted to among the first.. so i chiong the project all the way... because at that time... i was still quite fresh about programming... so lots of logic wasn't there... so the kind sankara just give away all the required methods to complete the assignment... Then gratefully, i finished the assignment very early... and i was quite excited ( partly because i thought i will be able to show-off abit ) and i told the friends about it and all was like..." WAh... so fast... eh ... i dunno leh... can teach me anot? " ..." After school you free ? ... can stay back awhile? ... can teach me '*a*a' ? " As usual, i didn't hesitate to have agreed... so i was very or i would say damn kind to help people whom i wasn't quite farmilar with at that time. The whole group of people stay back and do the assignment, some where very keen for my help... some was very stubborn... refused to accept my help but in the end still does...
I can still remember clearly... This lab... only us... then everyone was on 1 computer... i walk around and help people who called me... after i was called... i sat down... and looked at the codes that was having errors... like i've mentioned just now...i was new to programming... so i had to look longer to figure what's going wrong... Then ... i was so kind that even now i am starting to say that i'm stupid... after i got the solutions for the answer... i would ask... " do you want me to tell you the answer striaght away or you want to understand the logic behind this method and do it yourself?" Then most people would somehow choose the 2nd choice. So i took all the patients i had and slowly tell them and explain to them... Well.. but... I admit that i abit too harsh that time... cause i wasn't that matured yet.... couldn't control... so for that... i am sorry...! However... ,another 180 degrees turn, i was taking examples that will be very easy to undertand and perhaps the people would be able to laugh at least... so i think that would help them somehow to be able to remember what i've said better.... so kind of me when i think back now...
Like what i have said just now... some doens't want my help... but i still offer my help as far as possible ... i help to the limit that they can accept... I dunwan to help them fully .. cause i dunwan them to blame me for telling them too much of the answers and cause that not to had this experience of doing the thing and eventually failed... underStand ? So this kind of staying back thingy took place for about quite a few days... Maybe i should refresh you folks memory... i had already finished mine. So up to this stage... i already had done as far as what i am able and should do as a responsible, caring, good, kind and steady friend liao... i dunno what i haven done as a friend for them liao ... If there is... pls tell me!...
Then i was sooooo in dispair when i was in sem 2 year 1... all the friends suddenly kind of bo chap me liao ... its either they found someone who they can rely on liao or they had their foundation built by me for that subject and can fly with the hard grown wings... and just kick me aside... i'm not trying to say that they are ungrateful of my contirbutions or what althought they somehow did... its just that... they are able to just forget about this person called "Yao" that had actually done something for them with all the efforts when they were first in the
tertiary education ... i thought i would be a person that has deep impression in their mind and whatever they are going to have they would at least think of me... well... i have an answer for myslef... that is: FAT HOPE! ... ya... that's the answer i get from them... i was being treated like someone who is not able to be social with them... but just an aswering machine... " CALL and there FOR YOU" is a slogan for machine like that i would say... They could just leave me alone there and dun give a damn about me... then ... i dun like it when i actually have got to ask people to care about my well-being and not getting some care automatically... i myself is not someone who is like that... my tutor above... help me get thru 'O's smoothly... i am really grateful to her... i had always respect her. I still kept in contact with her now even though i dun need her tutoring anymore... i want to let her know that i'm grateful to her and i will do as much as i can if she needed my help... that's the way i am looking for when you are to treat someone who has put in effort for you when you most needed it... Unfortunatly... that's not the case... hiAz....
Then after much much thoughts... i think i am giving up liao .... so i tried the other way... i am thinking... since people do not take the initiative to talk to you... then i shall be the one to take the first step, I tried all kinds of way to make interact when them... but... in the end its another sad ending... i've failed...

::MAIN POINT!::
Here's what i've done... i write a long passage about them i think its extraordinary long i supposed then i was hoping that i might get a reply or something... because... i saw the other person that has wrote something too and that person more forunate than i am got a reply within less that half a month... Well... for me... its almost...4 months... and i think you folks reading this got it already... its another sad one... no..... I dunno why am i so foolish to acutally give all my efforts in the begining and then to be suffering now...such a fool huh... ya... i am... I dunno what's so annoying about me also, so much that people just dun had me in their mind... hiaZ... I'm such a failure... So there... learn a lesson... next time... help people... dun expect to get anything back ... to avoid being hurt again ... and again... i will still help people when they are in need... but i won't had so much imagination that i would get something back liao... i wanted to help people is that i dunwan to see people that are suffering and they are just being sacrificed for me grudges for not having any pay back...
Back to my story... i can do things for them and they just could turn their back on me for something that i myself wouldn't considered seruios at all well the thing i mentioned there is the thing that is in my long post. I am quite scare of making friends liao ... cause its all about the backstabing... i got backstab for many many times liao ... countless... the wound is getting deeping... and it certianly hurt alot...

I hate this kind of thing lor... i had to actually ask something from people when they are not even willing to do that... get what i mean ?...For example: to ask people to console you when obvious you are sad and you need some ? ... Its not from the heart... i dunwan...
I think i just have to admit it bah... my life sucks... "Wu Jiu Shi Zhe Yang Bu Tao Ran Xin Huan" what more can i ask for whatever i've done is like nothing... i really hate my life man... Really feel a pity for not able to be close friends with those i've really put in effort to help... anyway... saying is saying bah... CiaoZ..

"If i die, would anyone shed a tear for me??"

Yao~

2004-08-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

This few days quite busy man ... can hardly write anything here... too busy liao ... too much things to do... I mean... if my task is finished in the Earth... then i think i should be going liaoZ... to where ? ... i dunno also... life acutally sucks by the way to you people who is going to read this... cause the moment where you life actually starts... there are already tons and tons of problems waiting for you liaoZ... its just the matter of are you going to face it and how well you can handle and solve them as well. So it just sucks ain't it?
Perhaps people doesn't realised that the problems are endless... 1 after another... i won't say about examples liao ... cause there are too many liaoZ... however... hmm... thought of 1 that maybe i can share though....let's talk about you people who will be reading this...so 1 of you people's problems would be having to read my blog and headache of what to say or what not to say... ironic eh ?.... hahaha...

Like what people would always says... smile and live strong... everyday you are having problems how are you going to live happy ?... strong... maybe... that depends on your own personality ... well the bottomline is that : "LIFE SUCKS".... it can never be good and you dun have anything at all to bother about. even some little things like what you have to eat during lunch , dinner or what... its something that's bothering you liao ... why can't human beings just live without that much bother like the amount we had now... why ?... hiaZ... what the hell right ? ... tell you all what... i will not change my view of life being sucky for my whole entire life... unless there is someone special to me and able to change that mindset of mine bah.... hhaha... i will just stop here liao... CiaoZ

Question: You all like my post to be long and you can read happily or you all like it to be shorter? ...

Yao~

Wah today real sian man

2004-08-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

Today basically, i just do nothing at all lor... initially want to do something with my friend but he say that he is not feeling well, so cannot come lor... hiaZ... sian. Dunno why national day my relative comes to my house and celebrate sia... bought all the food for lunch and it wasn't very nice also. The children there was like ... RUDE ? They just simply do everything as what they like to... really treat my house as theirs... lol... Play my playstation 2 without asking me, come to my room without knocking. hiaZ... KIdS> Wooo... when i was at their age, i remember clearly i was anything similar to them at all lor... dunno why the kids nowadays so "Mu Wu Zhun Zhang". Should really ask their parent and teach them abit. I couldn't really join them to play bah ... the age gap, moreover, we just meet once a year nia... during the chinese new year only. My relationship with my relative is not very good though... I had cousins that is 10+ years older than me and my niece got married and i'm still studying... haha... its called generation gap... hahah... sometimes thinking of my niece who got married... then i feel a bit like lost or depressed. I was thinking: "I'm the 'uncle' and i am still study when my niece actually married". HiaZ... dunno why my family group is like that...

Speaking about uncle... wah ... recalled 1 incident. Here it goes... 1 fine sunday, when i was playing my game in the living room. During that time, my flat was conducting a show flat exhitbiton, so people rushed down like they have not seen a flat in decades. The carpark was jamed like hell. Then 2 Aunties came outside my house trying to lure my attention to them, however i just somehow boh chap them cause i dun like to talk or even listen to what a strangers will be saying to me. So i continued my game, then i heard a voice calling "Uncle" from the door of my house. Then i turn around to see out of curiousity, then when i saw the 2 Aunties were looking at me... i stood up trying to catch what they are gonna say. And they called me 'Uncle' again and ask me whether they could come into my house to see the layout. Then i was so fuming and i just ignore them lor... then felt abit guilty and then go to my mother and tell her the whole story... then i follow my mother to the door and i shouted..." Neh, Zhe 2 Ge 'Aunties' Yao Gan Wo Men De Wu Zi Lor". .. haha... had my revenge liao ... song...! I look old meh ? ... come'on man still in my 1st stage teenagers year hor... hahaha... i dun mind people calling me that when i am old enough to be called that mah ... but now to early liao ... way tooooo early... cannot tahan man...!!!

Today also a not happy day for me...really spoils everything bah ... alot of people din online today sia.. dunno all go where liao ... maybe all go and catch the NDP bah... So i was alone all the while lor... hiaZ... dun intend to start my projects now bah... trying to feel shiok to play game all the day and sleep till very late... no fan nao in mind... but still can't bah... there are still the old fan nao that keeps bothering me. alot of things bah .... relationship thingy, projects, friendships... ARHG.... alot of things lahZ... dun think will be able to settle all lor... give me 100 years.... also cannot solve... I dunno how to solve leh... hiaZ... feel so lonely everyday... Xun Yao Ta De Shi Hou Ta Bu Zai. wah lau.... sian...

Dunno how to carry on life ... really dunno... people say i god... hiaZ.... but i dunno how to solve the questions for myself... only know how to solve for others.... so irony.... life sucks.! LIFE REALLY REALLY SUCKS!!! come to this world and be tortured by problems and problems... Forget it lah ... cannot change... superman also cannot help me... Jiu Rang Wo Zhi Shen Zhi Mie Bah.... "See Le Dou Mei You Ren Guan"... :( CiaoZ... :(

"If i die... would anyone actually drop a tear for me?"

Yao~

Happy? ??? Nope~!

2004-08-09T02:05:00.000+08:00

Told you all liao... this is "My Everyday Sad Life" not trying act or what... its just that i am sad lor... everything for me is not shun at all... Dun wish to hide my feelings... but i have to... dun want to be the destroyer... but i have to.... hiaZ... what am i thinking... why is it like that... just asking question to myself...haha...
People always say that, if you like somebody, it doesn't really matter whether she is happy with you or somebody else...as long as she is happy... well... in the begining, i believe that as well... but after having some real life experience, sad to say... i've to rule that out... How could you possibly be happy when you saw them together and you are not the one she is having joy with ?... if you think you will be able to... i'll have to say that you are just deceiving yourself... now wake up!...
However, i am not tell those people to go ahead and build up the hatred to the one you like. What i really want to say is that its ok to be friends again if you failed to jio her. But dun say that nvm bah... as long as she is happy can liao... dun act "Xiao Sa" lor... when you are being rejected in the first place... it just like a thousand pounds weight to pull your confidence down. So how can you fight another battle with just half the strength ?... 1 rejection is enough to make you fall forever and ever. That's why i still didn't made my first move for this war. There are targets for sure unless i'm a gay... which i'm not you see... But its really a torture to so-called "Kan De Dao, Shi Bu Dao" Looking at myself... "Wo You Shen Me Tiao Jian Qu Xi Huan Ren Jia" so better to bear the "Tong Ku" myself lor... saying out some sad things for me would not help at all. Still very sad after telling out to some listening ears.

Some people may say, being rejected also never mind ... people got bf liao ...also never mind... we are young man... still got a long way... To certain extends this is true... but for me, i dun wish to build up my own family when i'm in my 30s... or even 28s . My target is to build it up before my 30s lor... i mean you wouldn't want to be called Uncle when you just have your first child in your 30+ near 40 bah ... surely not right ?... so if now's not the right time to build the foundation of the love thingy. when would be ? ... fact the reality lah ... Buds...Friends.... if you couldn't find your partner now or maybe a couple of years later, there will be nothing more to say in the future years liao lor... not that i am saying that you should be in a relationship now... but at least you found someone who you like and like you too... and may not need to be like seeing other everyday or what... just be a more understand partner, maybe just see each other for once a week or 2 ? that's enough liao right ?...still studying... shouldn't really neglect your studies mah... I've got a real life friend who is like that... who ? ... i'm not telling ... They just meet once a week lor... although they were in the same school... they dun even meet up when both of their breaks are together... I salute to them, their understanding, their trust, their commitment. HalT~!

As you all can see... i dun really mention 'love' this or who... love is a too serious word to describe what i'm pursueing about. I dun believe that you can acutally "LOVE" someone when you just talk to her for 1 or 2 weeks.... for me... "LOVE" someone is built up when you are really having a relationship with someone that you like though. But i am confident enough that i will love that somebody of my after if we were together which is just a dream... la la la......

I really need someone to care about me sia... i feel so lonely at night.... in the morening... and even when i'm sleeping. Where to find ? ... My Eye Light (Yan Guang) is too good liao mah... like this one then attached... take quite long to force myself to like another... then she is already aimed. Everytime everyday doing stuffs alone... even my friends can't bother much about me... i guess it was the incident mention in my previous post before this bah... HiaZ... Life's so tough for me... how i wish i could just end it right now... "Kuai Le Shi Duan Zhan De, Tong Ku Shi Yong Jiu De" true? i'm like that lor... my fun is only tempolary when i'm playing games lor... You see me laughing joking and all that in person... i'm sad all the while actually, its just that i dun like to put it on my face and let the others come and questioned me just out of curiosity more than care and concern. Sometimes was telling myself... if the person really attached... then dun bother to think about him/her liao... especially for the case in the girls' perspective. Here's how it goes... dun you think you " Tai Pian Yi Le" that person if he broke up with the old one and right after he can get you again ?... think about it... if the person really choices you and it also shows that he is nothing but a jerk..."Jian Yi Ge Ai Yi Ge" kind of playboy lor... be happy if the guy is not.. then wish him happy and let go. Can someone teach me how to go about asking girl to go steady ? ... i need some tips...still trying to build up confidence to give my first attemps... but i can feel that... the success rate will be only about 5% bah...

People also say life is full of obstacles... you just have to face it and go ahead... for me... Life is just coming out to this world and trying to break away obstacles that is in front of you and move on to the next one... so i would rather end in now and need not to worry much liao ... i can't see how happy i will be in the futher when behind the future is all the saddest things on the earth... not hysically but mentally.

Question: If i am thinner, would you accept me ? //stupid question, i'm not good looking.

Hiaz... write quite alot liao ... but yesterday longer... haha... :( k le... CiaoZ !

Yao~

You Shi Hou... (Sometimes)

2004-08-08T02:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when you are very happy ... its because you encounter someone who is very good to you and you have a very blessed or a feeling of happiness or like what we always say "Xin Fu". As for me... i hope i can be "Xin Fu" for everyday or even for a day i am very happy liao ... but... i think that's not gonna happen for my case. Well... as for the reason... it is due to my physical outlook i supposed, who in the hell would like that huh? ....
Probably, some of you may say that: " Girl nowadays doesn't go for looks liao ... you see most of the chio girls' boyfriend also not very good looking." I've got something to say here... i think i have already told some of you liao, that is: "Hello... The real thing is that, girls only will try to understand you when you have a good physical outlook ya ?" I mean, come'on lah people... especially for guys, if you are not good looking or in anyway 'shun yan' to the girl hor... how could you expect her to understand you more and perhaps give you a chance leh ? ... And the cruel thing is that, even if they do understand you further, when you really have the courage or anything to boost you, telling the girl you like her, the answer will be most likely "no" why? ... Here's the solution, (I'm truly sorry for any girls to read this but... it has absolutely no intention of offending anyone. If you do... my apologise)
1) the girl maybe attached and has no intention of breaking up with old to get new;
2) the girl feel that you are not good enough to meet their standards;
3) even though the girl told you that she can accept anyone if she feels right, but the natural fact is that she feels that you are not up to her standard or she just doesn't like you in anyway.
4) I think this is the most hurting one; she hates you... and feels that: "Why are you here in this world ?".

From the above point i've stated... some i have personally experience them. Well, but actually... i didn't really ask a girl personally before... but... that's all the possible outcome if i were to ask for my case at least... i am quite sure that people like me feels the same way.

Hmm... remember something. I also have heard people telling me that: "even your physical is not outstanding, but you still have you strong points... like your studies". Hahahaa.... what a joke... ("no offence to the person whom told me this, if you remembered who you are") Ya... in fact, when i was in sec 4, i thought it was like that. What the truth is, NO... N , O NO! How can your result let someone be touched by you? ... come'on... hiaZ.... Why am i just pointing fingers at the girls and not the boys? .... erm... i am not bias ... the reason is that... a girl is more unlikely to go and ask a guy to steady compared a guy asking a girl... right ?... agree ?... and if a girl really asked a guy, there would be a little stupid if the guy rejects right? ... unless there is a very strong and powerful reason to backup... understood ?... -_-'

I guessed by now... you folks reading this would feel offended right ?... but, i can't care much liao ... i feel that there is a need for me to write out what am i thinking... so ... sorry for those who felt offended. Sometimes i feel that i am that annoying in such a way that people would not be happy with me and not even tell me and then go home and built up the hatred in themselves and suddenly brust it out of the blue and poor me... has to bear the consequences for that... without a reason... personally, i felt that if you are not happy with me... you could have just spoke to me in anyway also can and try to resolve the problems you had with me and let's just live happier for that particular moment... but i just can't understand why other's just couldn't do or even understand this simpler logic ? ... is it that difficult to understand or its just that they just wanted to break ties with me earlier? ... well if i'd know... i would not be in such a state now... People also tend to have secrets within ... although they say ... you are with us... but, there will be something that should have been told to you but sad to say... have not... So i found that people tends to have secrets within and it sometimes made me very disappointed. I am not saying that people who knows me have to tell me all your secrets. I am just trying to say that if you were to say something that i do not know, you should have told me the whole thing. Otherwise, i think you shouldn't had even let me hear part of that... get what i mean ? ... In short: " if you dun wish to let me know something... you had better dun let me know that such thing actually exist, and if i know bits of the things that i didn't know... you should tell me...".

There was once i remember... i was being demoted or what till that i couldn't even asked what had happened or where did some others had gone to do some of the activties. That time when i asked, the reply i got was: " why you want to know? " ... LOST, was the word i think is the best one to describe that kind of feeling... you feel so... erm...behind ... or something... They were the ones who said ' what are friends for..." and on the other hands, the "demolish it" contredicting right? ... or should i say ironic ? you decide. When you have a very curious and innocent feeling when asking somebody things and they just give you that reply. Its somehow to me, a declaration of breaking or margine something between you and them...

Haha... suddenly thought of something really funny... and i think this is the cause that actually made out some of the points i've stated above... hahaha... Here it goes, i think quite a lot of people know it liao... but i just not gonna pin point at somebody. There was a quite important decision for me to make at that time, and in the begining i didn't really gave much thought over that made it. And after that, i just was joking and not really bother about what i say to people that: " be sure of what you are choosing". Then after the result was out, i had this sudden thought of the importance of the decision. So by the time, i really gave a very deep thought over it and finally i decide to switch the choice i've made and granted. Then i went to ask for comments from some friends over the switch that i intended to make... At that moment... its was still fine... and after i'd my dinner... ,for your folks info, it was on the same day, my friends just turn their back on me and then say that i was not being respectful for if i do the switch ... hahaha.... this part was funny for me... hahaha.... that day i didn't really realised the anger people had on me...( i think some of you may have some question marks ???? ... read on) and the next day... i meet them... and they just ignore me even when i talk to them... for my thinking... "Alright lor... nvm". By then i thought it would be only in among ourselves... but surprisingly, the next day... almost the whole world knows about it... and i really dunno what in the blue hell were they not happy for. Then after that... we do the usual stuffs of going for breaks together... for the1 day after the grugdes, i am totally ignored throughout the whole meal time... then i thought...maybe i should not be in the group lor... and accompany with this thought came another think of assumption, which is that the others in the group may feel that i am important and might follow me for breaks and trying to be with me ? ... FAT HOPE!!! would be a very good phrase to reply me... like i have written in the previous post, i've been alone for almost all the breaks after some thing which i dun really know happened... After sometime, i asked reluctantly what happened and why all my friends had followed the ones that are not happy with me.
Be ready this is real funny... They say that those guys who was not happy with me is that they are not happy that i've made a switch... LOL....real loud!!! the switch decides my fate and not the blue hell would affect them in anyway... so ? ... funny ?... i guessed so... :) LMAO!!! So after this... really no one had come to me or even trying to find me and have a good chat or a meal with me during the breaks. All had followed them... and that gives me a feeling of i am the one who is wrong and should be alone ... "Huo Gai!" And i am so worked up and i confronted those who doesn't support me when i actually had high expectation that they would. They are the ones who are real important friends i consider.... but they had largely disappointed me... Helped them when they needed... but... hiaZ... ( REally no offence... just writing) then i feel so lonely in school or so... whatever... Well ... who says good results would bring faith? ... So after that so-called incident, friends ties with the first group of friends known in poly were weaken till so..... WEAK.... dun talk as usual... and i dun really know what's going on with them nowadays... that was really down sukup down in life. But... the bright side of it is that ... i've gone over it... i've fought this battle... alone... and although i have lost... i still survive... good news arh ?... well... that's nothing to me... what gonez is gonez... really sad that friends didn't make it with me... dunno whether my effort made in the first round has been thrashed or what... real davastating.

So now i just want to live my life a usual ... dun wish to have something similar to happen again... and i am not afraid to die... die so what? ... can even throw away what's bothering you all the time... no one actually cares what... right... All of you always says... i got something that is positive to what i've always said, its just that i didn't realised it or its yet to come... but what's the point if it was like this... what i wanted is what i feel and see now... and what's coming is not predictable and its always the bad side for me ... so no point wait for something that is very unlikely to be comeing true of ? ... that just made a fool out of myself in the end. say what ever you all want bah... after reading... comment this post would do a better job than putting them in the tag board... I've written so long liaoZ... dun wish to carry on ... CiaoZ.

P.S Dun feel offended for anything that i've wrote that makes you mad...its just writties... if you really do ... i'm truly sorry for that.... SOrry!...

Yao~

dunno ? ? ?

2004-08-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

I am very blur now ... i dunno whether things have been what i am thinking. Personally, i dun wish things to happen as what i am thinking for sure. Sometimes, i am happy about something that i am foreseeing to come, but then ... when the thing comes, it usually have the opposite outcome. whY...? ... i dun think i need to say this again. Dun quite understand what i am trying to say ? ... For example: Tomolo i am suppose to go out with some friends to play or something, so i am very excited and feel good about the outing tomolo. So here comes tomolo, when i go for the outing, something would definitely spoiled the mood of the whole outing... so i'll be thinking like, this totally burst my mood for this outing liao... HaiZ...

I am quite sensitive and really bother about what the other people treat me as ... cause i mean, if this is only a 1-way giving process... then i will feel very ungrateful for... and this happens way lots of time since i'm in poly liao ... well... during sec... my results flop... so nobody would even intent to seek for my help... Well... hiaz... again... I can see absolutely nothing for me to be happy for... And for this many years of experience for encouting various people, i found out that everyone around you is wearing a mask when talking to you... all the time. Well... i am just sharing my view... so folks... dun get worked up pls... if you felt offended... my apologists... Let me continue... they talk to you and show that they are very friendly and all that... however... who knows? ... they might just stabbed you in the back where it hurt the most... I have been hurt a few times... well... it really hurts... try it if you dun believe... I think i begin to have skin that is "Dao Chiang Bu Ru" liao... go ahead and backstab me bah ... Lai Lai ...

Poly life is really like a guessing game sia... if you guess wrong hor... then you end up like me. Hurts... then no one cares at all... moreover... i look like that hor... even if i die... not even one would actually comes to me one lah ... shuaX.... Dunno why leh ... hiaz... i also dunno how to explain... I also cannot say everything here ... later others read liao ... then they know i am refering to who who who who... then all come and find me and confront.... then i will be flooded with saliva...hiaZ... Dunno when then i can find someone then i can really trust until .... you know ... HaiZZZ... Can someone actually help me ? ... Where is that person...!! ... Dun wish to live alone for ever...!!! Hiaz... k le... Term test over liao, i also feel nothing sia... dunno why... first time like that... just carry on life... until there is a chance to go.... kk...

Yao~

Sad Story of someone....

2004-08-05T17:39:00.000+08:00

Let me just start off today's post with the paper had today bah ... as all of you know... its AMMD...
For me... its still a quite ok paper... know all the questions' answers.. haha... cocky right... well can't be bothered.

Today i think throught all the things that happens in poly, as to me... poly life's would be much much more sensible than those in sec or pri. Then i suddenly feel so depressed about the things that happened throughtout... HiaZ... like the what my horoscope had said... i dun like to be accused or something that i did not do lor...
I just hate that man... then like all the people that will be reading this... i like a girl but she has a BF liao... very close somemore... hiaZ... i just dunno how am i gonna get somebody to go steady with... cause its like... erm... whoever i like or admire, she is either attached or she is already aimed by some other person liao... see ?.... dunno is my "Yan Guang" good or what sia... or am i just be fated to be bachelor leh ? ... i dunno... quite phobia to be one actually...scare to be lonely... as ever... well... i dunno yet.. maybe i can't even live to 30 years... i rather that happens if i am gonna be one lonely guy...

Wanted to buy Mp3 player cause my MD spoils, only can playback but cannot record liao ... But dun have enough money leh... i want to learn car and buy things i wanted... how to ? ... find job... where got job so nice... let you work little hour then give good pay ... hiaZ... holiday want to find job also no 'lobangs' ... see? ... folks... till now i am having such a suay life.... hiaZ...
Anyway... CiaOz.

Yao~

The real me has finally come...

2004-08-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

Sadness is the only word i can or must use it now to describe my feelings now... Just found out some news that i would never ever wished to know... (Like i always says... can't really say the 'real' thing out, cause i will still need some privacy here too...) maybe the news spreading to me wasn't intentional at all... or maybe it was... who knowS? I dun wish to make anyone sad though. I hate to do things that makes people cry... this statment may bring some "Bu Yao Lian" remarks cause some may think my "Mei Li" is not that powerful. Well whatever lah... moreover, Who in the Blue Hell CARES?

Really hate to have such a feeling man ... last time have liao ... then was so sian throughout around 2 to 3 months... hiaZ... why why why ? Why must the history repeat itself again leh ? ... Lao Tian is really unfair man, "Mei Chi Dou Shi Wo Shou Jiu De". Sian lor... Hiaz... Dunno why am i born like that or what man. I am in the world of unfairness to me only lor... Below is my story of unfairness since i was born in Apr:

1) when i was in primary school, i was in the last class of the all the way to PSLE. My result sucks... 204.
2) Follow up, i got into a sucking secondary school which has a compound taking the shape of 'L'.
3) I got bad name during the first 2 years, flunk my first test there.
4) When i was in sec 3, got to know that i was the last batch to study old books.
5) During the same year, i qurrallel with my officer and quit my st.john when i was doing good inside. And gonez for my CCA points which s apporaching A1.
6) 'O' Levels, I flunk my english when i actually passed in prelim, and got me a 17 aggregate. And it cause me not to go into JC.
7) All the courses i consider were already taken up by my brothers, so i have to go to some where else which i dun like very much. That's IT.
8) In IT, made some friends in poly, and was going fine all along. Until something stupid happened and it was from someone who is 2 years older than me. Qurrallel with him and then make me all alone in the breaks i had in year 1 sem 2. Torturing!
9) Now, got to know more friends, and the new friends... still ok at the moment... however, who knows? ... Found out something that is hurting to me...
10) I bet there's many many more still to come yet... so can see....

So like i say... i dunno why am i in such a disaterious world or why am i having such a suking life? ARHG!...
Tell you want i'm always thinking of, when there's a predictable chance for you to leave this world. Dun hesitate. For me... if i'm crossing the road, and the car happens to be too close to me... i won't run... just let it hit me... so i won't have so much troubles to bother me anymore... I'm not encourage you all to die, but just sharing some thoughts. I really wants to learn music(Guitar), but i wasn't that lucky to have friends that are around me playing with music and willing to teach me... I do compose songs though... but no instrument to actually record them... So... till now what i'm writing is still something suay about me... Dun worry, if 1 day i actually die... dun cry.... Be Happy for me for living this Stupid life of mine... "Life's a Struggle" ....

Wants to share with you all my horoscope sayings:

(Taurus)

You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don’t know how to react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are concerned or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being reminded about mistakes you’ve made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way.

Yao~

Song liao lah ~~~

2004-08-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

Today the paper is very easy man... very fast finish liao ... haha... everybody was waiting for the first half an hour to be up... haha... first time in my school life sia... the paper was not as hard as expected... Well but going out too early gives me some kind of guilt actually, dunno why lah... just that kind of weird feeling.

HiaZ... hope this paper can score lor... the question and definition all memorize until rot liao... haha... next is AMMD liao ... must chiong chiong..... 2 more paper to go... AMMD still ok to me... diff one is the MBDP... hiaZ... scared...

Yao~

HaiZ

2004-08-03T16:46:00.000+08:00

WAH LAU~~!!! Today the MMPG paper i go and do all the 3 question for the section B when i only need to do 2 of them... ARHG!!!!!!! Siao liao lah.. Dunno how will the marker mark my paper leh... Chiam liao Chiam liao....
Suay man... go in quite confident then come out very sianZ.... Well... only think i can do is to ask the marker how lor... hiaZ....

Tomolo is UID liao ... the subject that is NMM part2, so to speak. Also very sian one... i hope not much of definetion lor... cause all the terms are like the design terms, so its very chim lor... Sian lah... go study liao ... if not dunno how to define.

Jia Lat liaoZzZ

2004-08-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

Cham liao man, today the ECAD not very confident sia.... but already did my best liao man, so ... haha...
Now just had my dinner then looking at the MMPG lecture notes. Till now... still ok bah ... managed to get the meanings out. Hope the test will be smooth tomolo lo... That's the least i could wish myself. :P

See bei sian man

2004-08-02T04:15:00.000+08:00

Study until quite sian now man... so thought of comming in here to write about something here... i find that here is another place other than msn where you can express what you are happy and not happy about to people whom you dun really wants them to know in case they are not happy about you or you dun wish them to apologise only because they saw what you have wrote... what i want is more of "Zhen Xin" abit lah ... cause if there is a need for you to tell those people who makes you angry that you are angry and wants something from them... its so fake man... hiaZ...

Really man... for those who is reading this... but i doubt so lah ... the term break so short and you have to finish 4 projects before going back to school man... serious... haha.... kk...

Tmd....

2004-07-31T14:35:00.000+08:00

Wa lau .... today got a lot of things happening sia... but dun think i will be talking about it here... cause its all private ... lol ... Term Test comming liao ... hiaZ.... scare later get super lousy results... then there is Super duper lots of projects to do during that short little term break lor... super sian sia... hiaZ... need to concentrate on the revisions liao ... CiAoZ